A mom burst into tears at her gender reveal after finding out she wasn't having a son

• Kendra Evens shared a video of her gender reveal, which has more than 5 million views on TikTok. 
• The video shows Evens breaking down in tears after finding out she would never have a son. 
• Evens, who has four daughters, tells Insider she wanted to shed light on gender disappointment.

When the smoke first came pouring out of the Jack-O'-Lantern, Kendra Evens was sure it was blue. After three daughters, her dream of also having a son seemed like it was going to finally come true. 

But then she realized the smoke was pink. Evens broke down in tears. 

"It wasn't even that I was disappointed I was having a girl," she said. "It was disappointment that I'll never be able to experience having a son. It just kind of hit me that I'm never going to experience that." 

Evens shared a video of the moment on TikTok, which has since racked up more than five million views. She's hoping the clip will shed light on gender disappointment. 

"A lot of people go through these emotions," Evens said. "And it's not that we don't love our children or our babies. But I feel like we are supposed to be a certain way in society and we're allowed to have emotions, but you're not allowed to show them. A lot of people don't want you to show that you have these emotions." 

Evens told Insider that she knew her fourth pregnancy was going to be her last, and this time around she was sure it was going to be a boy. 

"It could've been in my head but this pregnancy was so different from my last," Evens said. "I was sick every single day with my three girls, but with this last pregnancy I was barely sick, my skin was a lot different. And so I was just like, 'It has to be a boy.'" 

Evens knew there was still a 50/50 chance, which is why she was apprehensive about having a gender reveal. 

"I didn't want to capture me crying if I was, just out of disappointment that I wasn't going to be able to experience a son," she said. "So I did debate back and forth for a while." 

But it was her last pregnancy, so Evens decided to do something small. She and her husband invited a few family members to a photo shoot, where they surprised everyone with the news that she was expecting baby number four, and decided to combine it with a gender reveal.  

"I was like, if anything it's just in front of family," Evens said. "It's not like it's a whole party." 

When she saw the pink smoke, Evens was overcome with emotion. 

"It just hit me," she said. "You're pregnant, you've got all these emotions, and it just kind of hit me." 

Evens grew up with a brother and said she had always wanted to have both sons and daughters. 

"You grow up seeing the films and you see sons and their moms and you think you're going to have a boy and girl, that's just how you think your life is going to be," she said. "My sister has two boys, I have a lot of nephews, I see bonds between moms and their sons — it's just something I really longed for." 

It was a feeling that Evens believed other parents had likely experienced, so she decided to share the video on TikTok — where she received a lot of criticism. 

"Obviously when you put yourself out on social media like that you're going to get people who don't necessarily reside with how you feel," she said. "But it's really just initial shock, and we're allowed to experience that as humans." 

But Evens also connected with many parents who had experienced gender disappointment. 

"I was hoping I would reach an audience that would feel the same way and know that it's okay and we're not monsters," Evens said. "And I did reach a lot of people on TikTok that had felt the same way or had reached out and said, 'Oh my gosh, thank you for making me feel like I'm not a horrible person.'" 

"It's nice to be able to connect with other people," she added. "And know that they've gone through the same type of situation." 

Evens said the shock of her gender reveal wore off within the day, and she was extremely happy to welcome a fourth daughter into her family. 

"I was over the moon excited, I was truly meant to be a girl mom," Evens said. "I love that each of my girls is unique, they all have their own personalities, and I love being able to see how different they all are and how well they intertwine with each other." 

"I couldn't imagine it being any different," she added. "I couldn't imagine not having a fourth daughter." 

And when her youngest daughter Nellie gets older, Evens said she plans to show her the gender reveal video. 

"I don't think it's a negative thing, and it definitely shouldn't be portrayed as a negative thing," she said. "So it's not something that I think needs to be hidden from her. I'm grateful that I got daughters and I wouldn't change it at all."