My mates set me up with woman for ‘birthday treat’ but now she’s pregnant and is threatening to tell my girlfriend

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been with my girlfriend for five years, but my mates thought it would be funny to set me up with another woman for a “birthday treat”.

It went too far and now she says she’s pregnant.

I’m so ashamed of myself, and I’m worried sick that this will mean the end of my relationship.

I’m 30, my girlfriend is 31. My pals decided I needed to celebrate the big 3-0 properly, so we organised a weekend away in Manchester, an hour from home.

We were drinking in a bar on the first night when my friends started laughing at me because I had never cheated on my partner.

I’m not like them — they all have a bad reputation with women.

As the night went on, we got hammered and a group of women on a hen do came into the bar.

We ended up chatting and dancing with them, and one took a real liking to me.

Eventually, her friends left without her. The next thing, I came back from the loos to realise all my mates had scarpered, too. I knew it was a set-up but decided I would get her back to her hotel safely before returning to mine.

As we walked to the taxi rank she started kissing me and things got completely out of hand in the cab.

When we got to her place I’d lost all self-control and followed her in. Stupidly, I didn’t use a condom.

Last week, this woman contacted me on Instagram saying she’s pregnant and that it’s mine. She’s even started to hint that she’ll tell my girlfriend what’s happened if I don’t step up.

I don’t know what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: You need to step up, whether she blows your cover or not. It’s best to face the consequences of your actions head-on.

Ask the woman for evidence of a reliable pregnancy test.

If it’s forthcoming, tell her that if she goes ahead with the pregnancy, you would want DNA testing.

You will have a responsibility to pay maintenance and to be a real part of the child’s life if it’s confirmed you are the father.

In that case, you have to come clean with your girlfriend. All you can do is beg forgiveness and hope she will understand.

My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will help.

I MODELLED BUT I CAN’T GET A GIRL

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I used to be a male model, I have no luck with women.

I’ve been single for 12 years and I’m starting to fear I’ll never find anyone to love. I feel so lonely. I’ve just turned 43 and I haven’t had a proper relationship since I was 30. My then girlfriend left me for someone else.

I’ve tried online dating, but it was a disaster. I’ve gone to the gym, joined a local drama group and tried bars and clubs.

But the people I meet are either already coupled up, not my type or aren’t interested.

All my friends are married. They’ve offered to introduce me to single female friends, but everyone they’ve suggested is extremely unattractive.

I have a good job, I’m comfortably off, I’m 6ft 2in and supposedly handsome. I also take care of myself.

People tell me I’m a nice guy. So where am I going wrong?

DEIDRE SAYS: Meeting that special someone in the internet age isn’t easy, but I wonder if you’re being too choosy.

Attraction isn’t always instant. Often it grows from friendship.

Perhaps it’s time to be more open-minded. My support pack, Finding The Love Of Your Life, should help.

SELFISH MUM IS RUINING MY LIFE

DEAR DEIDRE: MY mum is making my life a misery by taking me for granted.

She’s never been there for me – even when I really needed her. Now she needs me and I don’t know how to handle her.

I’m a 50-year-old divorced woman and she’s 80 and widowed. She’s become very frail, so I’ve moved back in to look after her.

But I feel really hurt, angry and resentful.

I do everything for her – shopping, cooking, a lot of her personal care – but she never thanks me. She just expects it.

When I was a child, she favoured my younger brother and sister, and nothing has changed.

She talks about how wonderful they are even though they rarely come to see her. And I’ve never forgotten how she treated me when I was a teenager and my best friend was killed in a car accident.

She acted like I was making a fuss over nothing. I was traumatised but she gave me no comfort.

Part of me wants to move out and tell her to find someone else to look after her. But I feel responsible for her.

I’m really struggling with this. Please help.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re a kind and loving daughter, and deserve love in return. Unfortunately, people rarely change as they get older. Patterns and behaviours repeat.

Perhaps it’s time to tell your mum how you feel, particularly about how she reacted when you lost your friend all those years ago and how much it upset you.

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you get things off your chest and set boundaries.

Talking to someone about your relationship could also be helpful, both in dealing with your mum and in coming to terms with your loss.

Standalone.org.uk has information about difficult parental relationships on its website and can recommend suitable counsellors and support groups.

Also see my Counselling support pack.