Miss Manners: When it’s your neighbor’s kid ringing the doorbell

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We love our neighbors, but an increasing number of them — parents, children or both — are appearing at our front door to sell products for fundraising purposes.

We are asked to buy cookies for the Girl Scouts, popcorn for the school team, pizza for the PTA, and so on. The money goes to good causes, and the parents are teaching their children good values, but being put on the spot in this manner makes us uncomfortable.

We end up ordering something because we feel that it is rude to say no, especially when the solicitors are our neighbors and good friends. The price of the products is usually exorbitant, and the drain on our budget is becoming substantial.

Our children are small, but we are firm that when they grow older and are asked to press doorbells, we will not do this to our neighbors.

In the meantime, is there a polite way to respond to our friends at the door? Or should we simply take out a loan?

GENTLE READER: Even if the causes are the best, Miss Manners will have to disagree about the wholesomeness of the values being inculcated.

Teaching children to feel good about shaming and extorting their neighbors, with the justification that the funds are for a good cause, strikes her as bad policy. This conviction makes it easier for her to say “no, thank you” when she answers the door.

But if that is too difficult, you could hide behind the curtains until the fundraising neighbors move on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette when addressing a salesperson or clerk in a retail setting?

I have worked in retail for several years and now run my own store. It is rare that am I addressed with “Excuse me,” “Good morning,” “Hello,” etc., when someone enters with a question, whether about our merchandise or for general information (e.g., directions to another store). People simply ask their question, sometimes in a rather demanding way (or at least it feels that way).

I’m glad to answer whatever questions people have. But when someone cannot begin their inquiry with a simple greeting, or phrase it along the lines of, “Could you tell me where …?” (as opposed to “Where’s the …?”), the interaction feels off-putting and even a bit condescending.

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette begins (and ends, since this is a professional setting, not a social one) with any of the greetings you propose.

But Miss Manners thinks you will have more success winning over rude customers with a pleasant counter-example — a crisp but pleasant, “Good morning! How can I help?” — than by any indication that they have offended.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to handle it when your nose needs attention? Do you stay at the table to use a tissue, or should you excuse yourself to the restroom?

I understand the latter doesn’t offend anybody, and allows people to wash their hands. But I’ve seen plenty of people stay at the table and just use hand sanitizer afterwards.

GENTLE READER: How much attention does it need? A gentle sneeze and wipe need not require a major expedition.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.