“Being comfortable in silence”: 17 simple social “cheat codes” people claim work almost every single time
The socially challenged of Reddit are currently benefiting from shared psychological hacks that help them deal with other people. A recent Ask Reddit post challenged users to give away their most powerful social secrets that help them calm people down, make new friends, and even confuse their enemies.
Social awkwardness and anxiety are common problems that may only be getting worse now that we communicate so much behind screens rather than in person. Figuring out how to navigate social situations takes practice, and we're getting less of that with the rise of remote work and the collapse of third places.
The internet isn't all bad, of course. In place of water cooler conversations, you can browse a Reddit thread for tips.
"What's an actual psychological 'cheat code' you use in social situations that works almost every time?" asked u/Prestigious-Use6804.
Socializing can be fraught with pitfalls and unspoken rules, but it can also be easier if you approach it with intention. Taking control of the situation can be as easy as dropping a compliment or saying nothing at all. Reframing a statement to sound more positive can change someone's reaction from negative to positive.
None of these will work every single time, but keeping a few of these cheat codes in mind could at least make small talk with coworkers a little more bearable.
1. Practice comfortable silence
"Being comfortable in silence is power. Especially in any sort of negotiation, complaint, somebody asking for something or vice versa."
"For some reason when you stay quiet, people break." —u/Larson37
2. Talk about people behind their back, but in a good way
"Build up people who are part of the same social circle but aren't currently present. For example, if you're out at dinner with your normal circle of friends and one of them isn't there, talk them up and share something positive about them to the rest of the group."
"Without consciously thinking about it, we start to become aware of the kind of things people in our social circles say about us when we're not present." —u/film_composer
3. Speak at the volume you desire from others
"Speaking at a lower volume if someone is being unnecessarily loud."
"One of my best friends has a LOUD voice she is completely unaware of, which can be incredibly annoying when we’re in public, so I will lower my speaking volume and she will subconsciously lower hers to match my volume." —u/inkyblackops
4. Keep the last conversation topic in mind
"Remember what they said to you the last time you saw them. If you last saw them a month ago, if you remember they were doing a thing, remember that thing and mention it." —u/stefancooper
5. Compliment your enemies
"Someone doesn't like you? Give them a genuine compliment. Keyword: genuine."
"I worked with this girl and we disliked each other. One day I just looked at her—she'd gotten her hair done—and I said 'That looks really good on you!. and her usual stankface went to confused so fast lol. But you have to mean it—I did, it suited her. But your enemy will leave you alone for a while as they go ponder what chess game you're playing." —u/hereticallyeverafter
6. Tell people when they're doing good work
"My hack has turned into a hobby. I look for people doing a good job. When I find someone that is pretty good at what they are doing I make sure to compliment them, tell their boss the good news, and, if applicable, I tell corporate."
"It's surprising how much that helps the person, how much it confuses their boss since its not a complaint, and how long that its remembered. Later on, if I return to the same place I get better treatment and that can lead to others you are with to think better of you." —u/Badcapsuleer
7. Pretend someone's about to die
"One thing that I'll do when someone is irritating or boring me is to imagine (to myself! silently!) that they will actually die in the next 24 hours, painlessly.
My job, then, is to help them have a good final 24 hours. It sounds morbid, but it's not. There's meaning and joy that can be pulled out of many moments, even dull and irritating ones." —u/warm_kitchenette
8. Good vibes visualization
"Before I go to an event, I imagine the room, the people in it, and the way I want to feel while I’m in the room. Sometimes I imagine a light sweeping over everyone like it’s sprinkling good vibes.
I’ve noticed that it makes me feel more confident and easy going when I have some anxiety about going somewhere." —u/cambiokeys
9. Act like every stranger loves you
"I pretend everyone I meet is in love with me. I mean, not literally. I'm not a complete narcissist. But I'll start conversations with strangers who give me a smile or a knowing look. Assuming they like me makes me feel more likable. I've made friends more easily in my 30s than I did at any other time in my life." —u/slytherins
10. Get them to say "yes"
"When someone is angry—like irrationally, psychotically angry—get them to say 'yes' to anything. (E.g. Are you mad? Do you want help? Do you want me to give you space?) It engages a different part of the brain, and after that's engaged, you can help them with problem solving." —u/bp_516
11. Change how you react to repetition
"It's a small one, but it comes up often enough that it's been useful. People often repeat themselves and a knee-jerk response to someone bringing up something you'd already heard about is 'You've told me this already,' which incidentally has a somewhat negative connotation to it."
"Instead of saying that, say 'I remember you told me about this.' It's more kindly affirming to the other person that you've listened when they told you the details/story in the past while also serving as a gentle reminder that they've already shared it." —u/VashtaNeradaMatata
12. What do to when you don't remember someone
"If someone comes up to you and says hi, and you can't remember how you know that person, then say 'how have you been' instead of 'how are you.'
99% of the time they'll start telling you about something that was going on the last time they saw you, and that will jog your memory about where you know them from." —u/Spicy_German_Mustard
13. Use mute to stop interrupting
"If you're talking to someone on the phone or online, mute yourself to avoid interrupting them. That way even if you do say something, they don't hear it and don't get interrupted.
This is pretty much a must for me with adhd always wanting to jump in... Now if only I could find a similar solution for in person conversations." —u/brakenbonez
14. Raise those brows
"Raise my eyebrows when I smile hello. Usually we only do that for people we recognize so it makes people feel like they are already accepted." —u/auntiepink007
15. Be stupid about passive aggression
"An effective way to deal with passive-aggressive comments is 'stupid and cheerful.' Don't read into their comment, rise above it." —u/virtually_toothless
16. Be friendly to low-wage workers
"Always learn the names of the front office receptionists, custodians, maintenance crew at your place of work/volunteering/etc."
"Always say hello to them and treat them like human beings. You would be surprised at how nice they treat you and help you out." —u/Common_Alfalfa_3670
17. Let people correct you
"When you want to learn something - facts, rumors, gossip, etc. State the fact but leave 1 detail intentionally wrong. The other person will love to correct you and give you ALL the information. It feeds their ego, you learn what you wanted, everyone is happy with the result."
"It works when I use it. I know it works on me as well." —u/TacticalDefeated
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