We lost our loved ones to England’s male suicide ‘capital’ – Brits suffer in silence thanks to our stiff upper lip
HOURS before Jamie Swalla took his own life, he made three desperate calls to a crisis helpline – but it wasn’t enough.
The dad of one, 36, is one of thousands to have fallen through the cracks of overstretched mental health services, a problem which is turning suicide into a daily struggle for families across the UK.
“It needs to change,” says his ex-partner Chelsey Dalee, who has seen first-hand how dwindling government budgets and rising mental health cases are devastating her hometown of Hull.
The 31-year-old adds: “The situation is disgusting, and it’s only getting worse.
“Jamie was human just like the rest of us. He tried to get help but he was abandoned time and time again.
“This needs to stop.”
England’s suicide ‘capital’
Hundreds more like Jamie across the Yorkshire and Humber area are taking their own life every year.
This month, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) revealed the region has the highest suicide rate for men across England and Wales at 20.6 per 100,000.
It is almost double the rate for men in London (11.8 per 100,000) and more than a fifth higher than the average in 2019 (16.9 per 100,000) – which itself is the highest recorded rate since 2000.
There were 5,691 suicides registered last year for both men and women, but deaths among males accounted for three-quarters of the figure at 4,303 – meaning suicide is the biggest killer for men under the age of 50.
It has led suicide prevention campaigners to identify several underlying reasons why three times more men kill themselves than women.
These can include feeling pressure to conform to ‘masculine’ behaviour, bottling up emotions over fears it shows weakness, refusing to seek medical help and a tendency to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.
Failed by system of care
Chelsey – who has an 11-year-old son, Jayden, with Jamie – watched as her partner struggled to cope with the deaths of three close family members.
Despite seeking professional help for drug use and depression, the situation spiralled further out of control – until his tragic suicide on July 20, 2017.
“He was put on prescription drugs to placate his depression – it only made things worse,” Chelsey adds.
“There’s an attitude in this area of blokes not speaking out because it’s not ‘manly’.
There’s an attitude in this area of blokes not speaking out because it’s not ‘manly
Chelsey Dalee
“However, those that do speak out and seek help are very often fobbed off and completely let down by mental health services from the start.
“It takes a lot of courage to take that first step in getting help – to then have such a poor experience only amplifies feelings of isolation, loneliness and that no one wants to help you.
“Jamie tried to get help but he was consistently ignored, put on medication and left suffering alone.
“On the day of his death, he tried to phone the mental health services three times. Seeking help should never result in suicide.”
‘Men need to get talking’
Chelsey went on to set up mental health foundation Mysterious Minds that aims to help other families affected by suicide in Hull.
The group has so far helped 50 families in the city, but Chelsey revealed at least 40 of those had lost a male family member to suicide.
“It’s such a huge problem in this area, men need to get talking,” she adds.
“They’re human like the rest of us. They suffer, they have vulnerabilities.
“Unfortunately, there’s an overhanging tradition in Hull for men to be the ones who don’t get sad, who must be in control of emotions and who cannot talk about feeling down without the risk of someone judging them for it.
“It needs to change. We try and help people through Mysterious Minds but we’re not professionals, we’re not trained to help everybody who needs it.
“It’s just that there is nowhere near enough help from the NHS or mental health groups. So members of the public are trying their best to help.”
“I contacted 80 mental health groups for help, the result was pathetic.”
Mental health services in crisis
Mental healthcare provision failings have come under increasing public scrutiny in recent years.
Medics say the UK is chronically under-resourced when it comes to helping people with mental illness, and the pandemic could be making an already dire situation even worse.
In January, the British Medical Association (BMA) called for more to be done as doctors felt mental health services lagged a long way behind most physical health services in terms of “resourcing, patients’ ability to access care and overall patient outcomes”.
The BMA cited the fact that just under a third of children with mental health problems are able to access the care they need in England.
And in the UK more broadly, suicide is the leading cause of death among young people aged 20-34 years, and for men aged under 50.
When the pandemic broke out, the BMA issued a second warning that all of these severe resourcing issues “risk getting worse as a result of COVID-19, if they are not addressed urgently”.
The organisation said over-stretched mental health services now faced additional pressure and they must be prioritised to ensure patients’ needs were met.
Devastating fall sign of struggles to come
Jonathan Lee was 17 when his older brother Simon first attempted to take his own life.
At just 19, Simon fell from a multi-storey car park in Barnsley, South Yorks.
He broke practically every bone in his body, but miraculously survived.
“Following that, there was no real help about,” Jonathan tells Sun Online.
“As I moved into my late twenties, I realised the only way to get over this sort of thing was to talk about it, but no one was actually doing it.
“There was no family discussion about it afterwards, it was just referred to as ‘the accident’.”
It was an absolute nightmare trying to get people, charities or services to engage.
Jonathan Lee
In 2004, 13 years after his first attempt, Simon sadly took his own life at just 32 years old.
As a way of coping with the loss of his brother, Jonathan, 46, turned to writing books, becoming a respected speaker on suicide prevention and a volunteer with Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide charity.
“I was going to the council in Barnsley and saying there is no support for anyone anywhere in the area, that’s when I tried to do it myself,” he added.
‘The NHS is keeled over with demand’
Jonathan invested up to £12,000 of his own money building a website that signposts anyone who needs help to the services available.
“People could log on and find all the things happening, for example a 10am coffee club at the town hall that they could join in,” he added.
“It would be a calendar-style format of each event or what each service specialises in accompanied by a brief description and a link to the website.
“However, it was an absolute nightmare trying to get people, charities or services to engage.
Everybody is stretched to the limit and they just don’t have the time to help with even small projects like this
Jonathan Lee
“I don’t care about spending my own money on this, but if I can’t even get a website up and running with the right information signposting people in the right direction, what hope do vulnerable people have for actually finding somebody to help?
“The system and the NHS is keeled over with the amount of demand and there’s nothing to fulfil that demand.
“Everybody is stretched to the limit and they just don’t have the time to help with even small projects like this.”
Stiff upper lip silencing pain
Yorkshire-born and raised Jonathan agrees that the region’s traditional stiff upper lip attitude exacerbates the problem.
“I’ve had some very difficult moments and I believe all of this comes down to the area, the upbringing, the feeling of isolation, the feeling that you’re the only person in the world,” he says.
“And, in the North, sometimes we’re still stuck with a generational situation where people say: ‘What’s up with you? You’ve got a nice car, a nice house’ and so on.
“It’s so misunderstood. It’s utterly missing the point.
“There have been numerous talks that I’ve done and people have come up to me at the end and said that it’s the first time they’ve spoken out about things.”
Heartbroken over son’s suicide
While the rate of suicide is highest among males between 45 and 49 (25.5 per 100,000), the rate for those aged between ten and 24 has increased from 6.5 in 2017 to 8.2 per 100,000 in 2019.
One way to change the UK’s approach to mental health is by changing the message given to youngsters, insisted Pat Sowa.
She lost her son Dom three years ago – he was just 17 years old.
Since then, the former headteacher has become a prominent voice in tackling the stigma that has often suffocated discussions about mental health.
“It’s time to banish taboos, to close the chapter on bottling up our thoughts,” says Pat, from Harrogate, North Yorks.
“Traditionally men are less likely to seek help, as are the older generation.”
You're Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
- Movember, www.uk.movember.com
- Anxiety UK www.anxietyuk.org.uk, 03444 775 774 Monday-Friday 9.30am-10pm, Saturday/Sunday 10am-8pm
In the past 18 months to two years, Pat has spoken to almost 4,000 teachers and education professionals to help provide the right support for suicide prevention among young people.
“It’s about getting the right messages to the younger generation, who are actually far better at talking about mental health than parents, teachers and the older generation,” the 54-year-old adds.
Pat founded mental health education group Starfish, became an avid ambassador for suicide prevention charity Papyrus UK and penned a book called Take My Hand following the loss of “bright, loving and caring” Dom.
Her aim is to continue training and educating parents, teachers and students about spotting warning signs in young people as well as building on the growing awareness about mental health.
“But we need more funding, we need more campaigns and we need to make sure the services reach those who need them,” she says.
“The old model of directing money to different regions and tasking local trusts to coordinate the approach needs to change.
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“Creating a National Centre for Suicide Prevention or a similar body is needed.
“Not only that, but getting people to talk and getting people ready for what to do if a child, friend, partner, family member or colleague does speak up.
“We can change this, but it’s going to take a lot more people.”
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 16123.