I had sex with my boyfriend’s best mate and now his family hate me
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with my boyfriend’s best mate and now my boyfriend’s family all hate me.
The stupid thing is that it was before we were together. He understands that I wasn’t cheating on him but his mum is being horrible about it.
I am a girl of 19 and I was at school with my boyfriend’s mate. He was and is a player and had sex with lots of girls.
I was stupid enough to fall for his chat when I was 17 and thought he cared for me.
He backed off as soon as we’d had sex and I heard he was having sex with another girl two weeks later.
I put it down to experience, we all left school and our lives went in different directions.
My boyfriend and I met at university last year as we are both studying sports science. He is 20, fit (in both senses), really into sport and is the loveliest guy.
We both still lived with our parents and found being separated by lockdown really hard.
We survived but he suggested I move in with him and his family for this term so we would be together if there were more Covid restrictions.
It’s been great and I was getting on fine with his parents and younger brother until his best mate came home on leave from the Army.
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Yes, it was the guy I’d had sex with at school. I had no idea they’d gone to the same football club together from when they were eight years old.
We met him with some other mates for a drink one night. He was pleased to see me and talked about us being old school friends.
I was in shock but didn’t let on. I thought about it for a week and then decided I should be honest with my boyfriend.
He wasn’t happy about it but said he wouldn’t hold my past against me.
The problem is that he confided in his mum when I went home for a weekend. His mum hardly spoke to me when I got back.
She clearly told his dad and brother and now they’re all acting as if I’m not worth talking to. His mum looks daggers at me.
I’m wondering whether I should give up and go back home but I love my boyfriend and it will break my heart.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Hang in there. It’s great your boyfriend realises that we all have a past and what matters is our present.
He’s an emotionally mature young man.
Mums can be jealous of their sons’ girlfriends anyway.
Face up to her, nicely. Ask if you two can have a talk.
Say how much you respect her and love her son, that you were young and inexperienced when you knew his friend.
Say you regret what happened then but learned from it and would never let her son down.
I hope she realises that she shouldn’t be judgmental.