I’m a size 20 & my man is slim – girls say I’m ‘fat’, ‘punching’ & hit on him in front of me, but he makes me feel sexy
NOTICING a new Tinder message pop up Vicky Lowdell felt a fizz of excitement – maybe this was the one.
But, once again, it wasn’t to be.
“I love your chubby a***,” the message read.
That was nearly five years ago and Vicky, now 26, from Romsey, Hants., was struggling to find a love match on the popular dating app.
She says: “I was 13st and a size 18/20 and I was always getting messages from horrible blokes which mentioned my weight.
“They were unnecessary. I was already self-conscious about it, I knew I needed to shed the pounds and I didn’t need to be reminded about it. Plus they weren’t exactly oil paintings themselves.”
Since then she’s met “love of her life” Tom, now 27. But the trolling has still continued – this time because at 11-stone Tom is significantly slimmer than her.
She spoke as a Mumsnet thread about ‘mixed weight relationships’ went viral.
In the thread women revealed how – like Vicky – they were dating or married to much slimmer men.
One woman said: “I am a larger (size 22) plain looking short woman in my 50s, happily married to a completely in love with me, tall, slim good looking man who has a good job.
I don’t view Vicky as overweight or bigger, I just see her as someone I fell in love with.
Tom
“However, today looking at my life and friendships through the lens of ‘mixed weight relationships’ and peoples apparent prejudice towards them.
“I have started to think about comments said to me by friends over the last nine years.”
Meanwhile type ‘mixed weight relationships’ into Instagram and hundreds of results come up.
Vicky says: “It shouldn’t be a thing but, sadly, it still is.
“I know – I’ve experienced it first hand. And I’m partly guilty of it. I’ve often wondered what Tom – who I consider so much more attractive than me – sees in me.”
Going on dates wasn’t exactly better. Vicky tells how virtually every man tried to sleep with her straight away.
She says: “They plainly weren’t interested in actually getting to know me.
“They just wanted sex, which I wasn’t going to do.
“There was a real sense they were thinking, ‘Oh this girl is fat – she’ll be happy with what she can get’.
“Meanwhile another man I was briefly seeing only wanted to hang out when it was the two of us. I think he didn’t want to be seen in public with a fat chick. My self-esteem was shattered after being called fat repeatedly.”
So, Vicky – who has an “extremely sweet tooth” – quit online dating.
She says: “I’d had enough and gave up, just left the apps lingering on the background of my phone.”
But her mates were desperate to set her up so sneakily swiped right on a number of men for her.
It was through this she matched with fellow retail worker Tom from nearby town Eastleigh, Hants.
She says: “His first message was really nice. He just said, ‘Hi, how are you?! Can I take you out to dinner?’
From the front I pass muster but my side profile is horrendous. It is terrible. All my weight goes on my stomach – I’ve a pot belly.
Vicky Lowdell
“He had two lizards and seemed a bit of a nerd. But I liked that.”
The pair chatted and decided to go out for a meal that very night. Vicky was conscious of her size, something she usually addressed in messages.
She says: “I hadn’t brought it up. Normally I would say ‘my face is a lot skinnier than my body.’
“But Tom made me feel at ease straight away and didn’t mention my weight. As soon as I got in his car I felt like I’d known him forever. The laughs came quickly and the conversation was easy. We even had sex that night – he made me feel really sexy and beautiful and I didn’t even think about the fact I was bigger than him.
“From there we quickly fell into a pattern of dating and just weeks later we were exclusive.”
That was four years ago and the twosome have been inseparable since. They were due to move in together this year, but the pandemic has put it on hold.
Vicky, who currently weighs 13st 13lb and fits a dress size 20, says her weight is largely a result of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCSO), when harmless follicles grow on the ovaries and which can cause weight gain.
She has a body mass index (BMI) of 34 which puts her in the obese category.
She says: “A year or so ago I was 15st so I am losing weight but definitely need to lose more. I’m doing it because I want to be healthier.
“I am on a calorie controlled diet and I would say I am overweight.
“From the front I pass muster but my side profile is horrendous. It is terrible. All my weight goes on my stomach – I’ve a pot belly.
“Tom is slim which is frustrating because I am happy for him but I only have to look at a slice of bread and I gain 15lb.”
Vicky told how, after her run of Tinder mismatches, her self-esteem took a hit, leading her to question why Tom liked her.
She says: “I would say to him ‘aren’t I too fat for you?
“He was always really reassuring and told me he liked me for me.
“I was stunned though. I was a blooper whale and he was a little squirrel. It didn’t make sense in my head, even though I knew we got on really well and had loads in common.”
Unfortunately it didn’t make sense to other people too with Vicky explaining she had been subjected to cruel comments.
She says: “I overheard a woman I know, on meeting Tom for the first time say ‘That Vicky is really punching’.
“It’s really rude and horrible but I just ignore it. I distance myself from them.
Another person said: “I can’t believe he would want to date her. This was somewhere we both worked.
Vicky has an open Instagram page and she has your typical boyfriend and girlfriend pictures of her and Tom on it.
She says: “But some people don’t like that.
“I’ve been trolled on it and called fat.”
Meanwhile, she is used to women hitting on her boyfriend when she is there – not realising he is with her.
She says: “He’s really charismatic and can make anyone feel special and girls will be all over him, totally ignoring me.
“I think they are stunned when I sidle up next to him.
“They give me a look which I would best describe as disgust… although some people look at me like ‘good for you’.
“And to be fair, Tom is far from perfect. He is quite disorganised and is always getting me to do stuff for him.”
And she still jokes about her size with Tom. She says: “He’ll be watching something on the computer and call me over to look at it and I’ll warn him, ‘I’m much bigger than you – I’ll break your legs.’
“But after four years I feel really happy with him. His family own a pool and while I was shy getting in it initially now I leap in.
“I know he fancies me and I don’t care if we aren’t matched in weight – in every other way we are a brilliant match.”
Tom says: “I don’t view Vicky as overweight or bigger, I just see her as someone I fell in love with and I think for you to fall in love with someone they need to be the person you can connect with, fully trust and be 100 percent yourself around.
“Don’t get me wrong like all couples we have had our ups and downs however we have found that this has now made us stronger than ever and I’m looking forward to more adventures in the future together.”
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