I was horrified when I caught my 12-year-old having sex

DEAR DEIDRE: When I walked in on my daughter in bed with her female friend, I was horrified.

She is only 12 and far too young to be having sex. But I fear my shocked reaction wasn’t helpful, and now we’re barely talking.

I’m 43 and a single mother. I also have a son, aged 10.

My daughter went through puberty early but has never shown any interest in boys or girls, so I had no idea she was thinking about sex.

After I caught her, I shouted ‘What the hell are you doing?’, and she burst into tears.

She begged me not to tell her friend’s mum, and so far I haven’t. The other girl is the same age.

I’m at a complete loss about what to do or say.

My daughter thinks I’m upset because she is a lesbian, but that’s not it at all.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your shock is absolutely natural, but avoid judgmental reactions.

While 12 is very young for sex – and sex under 13 is never legal – your daughter’s friend is the same age, and many children do experiment, especially if they are not sure of their sexuality.

What’s most important, as she grows up, is to make sure your daughter doesn’t put herself at risk physically or emotionally.

Contact Stop it Now to talk through your concerns (stopitnow.org.uk, tel: 0808 1000 900).

Make it clear to your daughter that you’re not angry with her, you were shocked and wished you’d reacted more calmly because you want her to know she can talk to you.