I’m having an affair with a guy from work and no longer in love with my unsuspecting boyfriend

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner keeps telling me he is so happy we are working on our relationship – but I am still in love with a guy from work I’m having an affair with.

I started seeing my boyfriend eight years ago. We are both 27 and live together. He is sweet and reliable but is more like a great friend.

A new guy started in the office next to mine a year ago. We became good friends and were texting all the time. Then we started hanging out and going for a drink after work. He is 28 and was then single.

There was a real spark between us and, as we were walking back to the car park one evening, we started kissing. It felt wonderful but I stopped it before things went too far.

I told him I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend so we tried to be just friends and he then got involved with someone else at work.

But when I saw them kissing in the car park that was a turning point for me. I knew I was being a huge hypocrite but it upset me to see them together

I managed to swallow my feelings until our firm sent us both on a mentoring course, which meant an overnight stay.

That evening we had a few drinks in the hotel bar and we became very flirty and ended up together in my bedroom.

We could not hold back any more and ended up having fantastic sex.

We started an affair and he broke up with his girlfriend, but I was too afraid to leave my partner. He eventually found out when he saw texts on my phone and I confessed.

He said he would forgive me and wanted to make things work.
I cut things off with the other guy and tried really hard with my partner. We are closer but I still don’t want sex with him. Now I’ve started seeing my colleague again and he says he still loves me.

My partner is a lovely man but he just can’t show his feelings or make me feel loved. I am so unhappy but cannot bring myself to hurt him.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is a mistake to stay in a relationship which is not right just because you are afraid of hurting your partner.

You are unhappy, short-changing your partner now and just building up even more pain in the long run.

Be honest with yourself. If you do not want to be with him, end the relationship now. Yes, he will be hurt but he can then get over you and be free to meet someone who will love him whole-heartedly.

But don’t rush into a relationship with your colleague straight away. Take your time to be single.

Come to terms with ending a long-term relationship and decide whether your lover really is the person you can build a future with.

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