I try to be there for mum since Dad died but she never stops complaining and I’ve had enough
DEAR DEIDRE: MY parents always had a love/hate sort of marriage.
My dad gave my mum everything – cars, holidays and a lovely home – but he was a sulker. And she was always putting him down behind his back.
My sister, brother and myself just put up with it but Mum has got worse since Dad died nine years ago. She is 64 now.
I am a married woman of 40, while my brother is 38.
We both live about ten minutes from Mum.
Our younger sister is 33 and is the golden girl but she never does anything for our mother.
My brother and I have over her for Sunday lunch, take her shopping and to various appointments, but she never stops moaning about us. I have got to the point I wouldn’t care if I never spoke to her again.
Now she wants my husband and me to take her on holiday with us, though she bad-mouths us constantly.
How do I tell her it is not going to happen?
Topic of the day
ONE in four young people see porn before they are teens, so no wonder it’s tougher than ever for couples to agree on the boundaries for sex.
My e-leaflet Sex Games And Sense can help you work out what’s right for you. For a copy, email the address on the left or message me on Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: Tell your mother firmly but calmly you are not taking her on your holiday.
Decide exactly what you want to say and stick to that script, avoiding any discussions about it.
Popular Dear Deidre problems
My e-leaflet on Standing Up For Yourself explains more about assertiveness techniques.
You can’t change your mother but you can stop minding about it so much and instead focus on your own marriage.