I’m dreading visiting my son for his birthday after he shouted at his wife

DEAR DEIDRE: TODAY is my son’s birthday and he and his wife have invited me and his dad over for lunch.

I’ve been dreading it. My son is 39 but he behaves like a child. His wife is 36. She can seem a bit bossy at times but then she’s a teacher.

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She has brought up their two well-behaved sons, now 11 and 14. But the last time we met for a meal, my husband and I had to get up and leave.

His wife had said something like, “Don’t reach across people, ask someone to pass what you need.”

Then my son shouted, “I’m a grown man. I can do what I want!” It turned into a row.

We can’t meet them now without feeling on edge. What can we do?

DEIDRE SAYS: I am most worried about how this feels for their sons.

Maybe they live quietly in fear of their dad exploding like this.

It must have felt scary when they were little and it may still make them anxious.

Invite your son round for a chat by himself. Ask him what triggers these explosions and to consider the effect on his sons.

Get help at Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 808 2222).

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