The Scariest Part Is, I Would Give You Another Chance

I would give you another chance if you stopped tossing around excuses and admitted you made a mistake, admitted you were an asshole, admitted you could have handled yourself differently but made a conscious choice to do wrong.

I would give you another chance if you stopped playing the victim, if you stopped blaming other people for your own mistakes. If you showed me you’ve grown into someone mature, someone who takes ownership over their actions, someone who understands they are flawed and knows they have the power to fix themselves.

I would give you another chance if you made an effort to change your behavior. If you grew into a softer person. If you gave up your bad habits. If you worked on bettering yourself. If you actually followed through on the promises you made time and time again that things would be different this time.

I would give you another chance if you looked me in the eyes and gave me a detailed, authentic, genuine apology instead of a blanket sorry, I screwed up that means nothing at the end of the day. I would give you another chance if you made it clear you understood exactly what made me walk away from you and exactly why you were wrong.

I would give you another chance if you admitted the way you behaved was unfair to me. If you admitted you put me through experiences I never deserved to face. If you admitted you shouldn’t have said certain things to me, shouldn’t have done certain things around me, shouldn’t have screwed over someone who never did a thing to you.

I would give you another chance if your actions matched up with your words for a change. If you showed me you cared instead of saying pretty words and blindly hoping I bought whatever you said. I would forgive you if you gave me a reason to believe you actually loved me, actually gave a shit about someone other than yourself.

I would give you another chance if you stopped acting like you deserved one, if you stopped acting like I owed you something, if you stopped badgering me to answer your texts and calls. I would give you another chance if you respected my space for a while, if you understood I’m under absolutely no obligation to deal with you. I would give you another chance if you earned it instead of begged for it.

I would give you another chance if you worked your ass off for one. If you showed me you were capable of making changes. If you dedicated time to therapy, to philanthropy, to getting rid of the baggage that you took out on me. If you were serious about becoming a better person instead of swearing you were a good one to begin with.

I wish I could say you’re out of my life forever, because you deserve to be out of my life forever. Unfortunately, I miss you too much. Unfortunately, I wish you would earn yourself another chance. Unfortunately, I’m kinder to you than you ever were to me.