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Новости за 12.12.2024

NFL Planning Small, Intimate Super Bowl With Friends, Family

TheOnion.com 

NEW YORK—Confessing that celebrations had unfortunately gotten a little out of hand in recent years, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters this week that he was planning a small, intimate Super Bowl with just friends and family. “This year, instead of a big blowout with over 83,000 fans, we’ll be keeping the guest list down […]

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Ballsy Retirement Home Has Interracial Couple Right On Front Of Brochure

TheOnion.com 

CLEVELAND—In an advertising choice that stunned observers with its sheer audacity, ballsy retirement home Sunrise Heights has an interracial couple right on the front of its brochure, sources confirmed Thursday. “Holy shit, they really just went for it, huh?” said local man Derek Allsworth, one of several people who shook their heads in begrudging respect […]

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Secretary Of Interior Asks Nation’s Help Identifying Leaf

TheOnion.com 

WASHINGTON—Mounting a public campaign in an effort to determine the origin of the unrecognized foliage specimen, Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland asked the nation for help Friday in identifying a leaf that she confirmed was “from a tree or something” but remained a mystery otherwise. “Have you seen this leaf before?” read a post on […]

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Years Of Inbreeding Causes Dog To Birth British Man

TheOnion.com 

MANASSAS, VA—Producing numerous congenital and physical anomalies that include extreme Anglo-Saxon deformities, years of inbreeding reportedly caused a pug named Mabel to give birth to a British man Monday. “It appears that excessive pug inbreeding has resulted in this human male with visibly English traits, a sickly appearance, and a dour demeanor,” said veterinarian Jenna Masterson, […]

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2024 in Photos: Wrapping Up the Year

The Atlantic  

It’s time to revisit some of the most memorable events and images of 2024, including Hurricanes Helene and Milton striking southeastern United States, a famous pygmy hippo named Moo Deng, and much more.

Hawaii woman Hannah Kobayashi found safe, family says

Nation News.com 

Hannah Kobayashi, a Hawaii woman whose disappearance in Los Angeles launched a widespread search, has been found safe, her family said in a statement. “We are incredibly relieved and grateful that Hannah has been found safe,” the statement reads. “This past month has been an unimaginable ordeal for our family, and we kindly ask for […]

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I’m a Hairy and Disaffected Accountant Competing on the Popular Mid-2000s TV Game Show Wipeout

MCSWEENEY’S 

My name: Burnt Pepperidge.

My profession: winning.

I stand at the starting line and survey the obstacle course like a snake surveys a nest of bird eggs.

My body is the serpent. The Wipeout obstacles are my bird eggs.

Prepare, obstacles. Prepare to be gobbled up by my hungry snake mouth. My voracious mouth of serpent hunger.

I have come here to win, and I do not care what happens to my body.

I am an empty submissive vessel for the game show Wipeout to enter and fill. Читать дальше...

Sneak peek: The "Batman" Intruder

CBSNews.com 

All new: Morgan Metzer is attacked in her home by a masked intruder disguising his voice to sound like Batman. Her ex-husband comes to her aid, but is he a hero? "48 Hours" contributor Nikki Battiste reports Saturday, Dec. 14 at 10/9con CBS and streaming on Paramount+.

The Texans Who Dream of the Habsburg Empire

GQ.com 

From a convention for fans of an 18th-century Austrian monarch to cheerleader tryouts at AT&T Stadium, charting the myriad passions of a population of true believers.

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