I got my wife into swinging as I like watching her have sex with other men – is it normal that I get so turned-on?

DEAR DEIDRE: GOT my wife into swinging — not because I want to have sex with other women, but because I get turned-on watching her have sex with other men.

We are in our early forties with three teenage kids and our 18-year marriage is mostly happy. Some months ago an old friend invited us to his wife’s 40th birthday do.

Alamy

Ten of us had a brilliant meal at a restaurant and then we went back to my friends’ house with another couple for coffee.

I don’t remember who brought up the subject but we started talking about wife-swapping.

To my surprise one of the other guys, a pal of mine, said they were into it and they’d found it did great things for their marriage.

I didn’t know how to react.

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On the way home my wife asked if I wanted to give it a try. I would never have thought she would be interested but I said I’d be willing to give it a go if she was up for it.

I rang my mate the next day and asked if we could join in a session with them. We went to their house the next weekend and after sharing a few bottles of wine we went to their bedroom.

He started kissing my wife and I couldn’t take my eyes off them.

I was kissing his wife and then having sex with her but what I was really focused on was hearing my wife enjoying herself. I got such a sexual buzz from it.

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We have been swinging with them again, and with two other couples known to my friend.

And each time what thrills me most is watching my wife having sex with the guys.

I have never got such a turn-on from anything else in my sexual life before.

But the other night my wife turned to me as we were watching TV and said she didn’t want to go swinging any longer.

She says it was fun at first but now it’s boring. I am disappointed as I don’t want to stop but it’s not something I can force her to do. Is it normal that I get so turned-on?

DEIDRE SAYS: Watching your wife have sex with other men is both real and a fantasy for you in the sense that you are on the outside looking in, and only focusing on the sexual titillation it is giving you and not having to consider how you are going to fulfil her sexual needs yourself.

Women are wired sexually rather differently from men and for most sexual pleasure is very much tied up with their feelings for their partner. Not feeling much will cut both ways.

You will damage your relationship if you try to pressure her to continue against her will but you can find other ways to inject excitement into your sex life involving just the two of you.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex is full of ideas.

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