Ever since I was cheated on I’ve felt so paranoid and now it’s ruining my relationship
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M so paranoid that my girlfriend cheated when she stayed at a hotel with a male work colleague that I’ve asked her about it a million times. She swears nothing happened.
She was meant to call me that night but didn’t. She told me the next day they could have gone back to one another’s rooms if that’s what she had wanted but she didn’t.
She was just tired and didn’t feel like talking. I’m 28 and my girlfriend is 26. I can’t help but think something happened between them.
I’ve been cheated on before in an old relationship and it left me so paranoid I put my girlfriend on an emotional rollercoaster before we got together properly.
I’d say I wanted to be with her then retract it next day. Now I worry I am being lied to all over again.
My girlfriend talks about spending her life with me and has stuck by me even when I accuse her, so the fact she is sticking around and putting up with me is saying something, right?
I know I’m the one with the problem but I don’t know how to tackle this. Is she lying?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I very much doubt it, though perhaps she felt a flicker of resentment at you being so possessive when you messed her around before you got together as a couple.
Trusting is extra-hard for you but it’s great you realise that it’s your issue. Her plans for the future include you but you will push her away if you continue to wrongly accuse her.
Tell your girlfriend you are going to tackle the problem and ask for a reassuring hug when you feel insecure, rather than accuse her.
My e-leaflet Dealing With Jealousy will help. Build up your interests so you’re too busy to fret when she’s not around.
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