Whenever my girlfriend’s phone goes off I worry it’s the guy she used to see

DEAR DEIDRE: WHENEVER my girlfriend’s phone goes off, I think in my head, “It’s him”.

She met up with a guy in town when we were going through a difficult patch.

I’m a guy of 29 and she’s 31, with a daughter I treat as my own. I work long shifts but am off at weekends.

We used to do things as a family but I got too comfy and stopped trying. She felt unloved.

She was bathing her daughter one night when an alarm went off on her phone. I went to switch it off and saw a message from a guy, saying, “I hope you’ve had a lovely day, beautiful”. She said she’d met someone who gave her the attention she was craving. Some truths came out about us.

She says she won’t see him again but if I say I love her, she says it back half-heartedly. I’m in pieces.

DEIDRE SAYS: You had a shock but this needs to be followed up with action if you are to save your relationship.

Your girlfriend was wrong to cheat but it is good you are accepting some of the responsibility.

If you are both willing to work hard at it, your relationship can emerge stronger. My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how.

NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I have walked out on my husband over his interfering mother

READ DEIDRE’S PHOTO CASEBOOK Jeannie and Kevin can’t believe teen daughter Emily is a lesbian