My husband keeps texting gay men while drunk but says it’s just for a laugh

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has been texting gay men. He says it’s just for a laugh when he’s drunk but I don’t find it funny.

I am 38, he is 45. We have been together for eight years and it is my second marriage, his fourth.

I saw on a phone bill he left lying around that he had joined Grindr and asked him if he is bisexual.

He said “No” and that the texting was just a laugh when he was drunk. He says he doesn’t want us to split up but he works away all week which makes things worse.

He gets nasty when he is home at weekends as he drinks too much. I have told him he needs to cut down.

He says he will but it never happens because he doesn’t think he has a problem.

DEIDRE SAYS: I think I can see why he may be on his fourth marriage.

Most people can feel attracted to their own sex. I understand why it makes you feel upset but it’s your husband’s drinking that needs tackling first.

Tell him your weekends together have to change if your marriage is to last. Plan outings you can enjoy together but be firm that you’re over if he’s nasty to you again.

My e-leaflet Dealing With A Problem Drinker explains sources of support.

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