Rio Ferdinand’s wife Kate lays bare her agony at being rejected by the footballer’s family and his late wife’s folks
RIO FERDINAND’S wife Kate has laid bare her agony at being rejected by the footballer’s family and his late wife’s folks.
The former Towie star married Rio four years after wife Rebecca died of breast cancer in 2015 aged just 34 — and initially felt like she could never fit in.
But Kate is now happily part of the Ferdinand clan, taking on the role of stepmum to the former England captain’s sons Lorenz, 13, Tate, 11, and eight-year-old daughter Tia.
Recalling those troubled early days, Kate says: “I felt judged and that I couldn’t live up to the memory of Rebecca.
“I was constantly compared with her and I just wanted to be me.”
A BBC documentary follows the 28-year-old on her journey to becoming part of the blended household — a set-up one in three people in the UK will experience.
She confesses in Rio And Kate: Becoming A Step-family: “I feel like a failure a lot. People say, ‘This is Rebecca’s house, you don’t do it like this. That’s not how Rebecca likes it’.
“And I think, ‘But I’m not Rebecca’.”
Rio, 41, was also put under the microscope over the relationship, with his former in-laws challenging the widower for moving on.
The TV pundit says: “With Rebecca’s family it was very, very difficult at the start. It was hard for them to accept someone new coming in.”
Rio’s dad Julian admits he also had reservations about his son’s decision to remarry and was tough on Kate.
He says: “If she was not strong-minded, she would have walked away.”
To turn the situation around and help them work through their grief, Rio, Kate and Rebecca’s family went to counselling together.
During a solo session, Kate says: “I felt like I had to prove myself to everyone. Before I sort of came into this family, I didn’t really feel like that.”
Rio tried to help Kate with her discomfort by removing photos of Rebecca from around the house.
But he and Kate then decided to create a special room for them for the sake of the kids, after Kate says: “I don’t want the memory of their mum to go away.”
But at her worst she became so unhappy that she briefly fled his home, back to her flat in Essex for a while.
Kate was later able to redo the kitchen so she felt like the family home was hers as well.
Recalling how she felt moving in, Kate says: “After six months I became obsessed with wanting the Molton Brown Rhubarb & Rose soap that I always have at home, just to have a smell I knew.
“I bought a bottle and put it downstairs but it got taken away.
“As stupid as it sounds, that crushed me.
“But what was making me feel more isolated was that if I said these things out loud, people would think I was pathetic.”
Now the soap is in every bathroom in the house.
It was Rio’s decision to involve his three children in his relationship with Kate that really helped them to become a family together.
He explains: “They’ve been a prominent part from the first thought, really.
“The kids seem happy and comfortable with our whole situation.
“I said to them, ‘What do you think? We’ll go to a cafe and we’ll ask her (Kate) out’.
“They were like, ‘Oh my God, Dad, no. It’s going to be embarrassing, she’s going to say no. You’re too old’.”
Rio’s plan worked — with Tia being Kate’s maid of honour and the two boys giving their stepmum away at the couple’s wedding in Turkey last September.
Tate said in his speech on the big day: “Congratulations to Kate and Dad. I love you both so much and I’m so happy we finally reached the wedding day.”
And Lorenz said: “If you had told me four years ago I would have been here, I would have laughed and thought nothing of it.
“But because I am here, I am very happy.
“And Dad, I’m so glad that you’ve come so far from what we have been through.”
Tia also gave a speech, telling Kate: “You help me with lots of different things. I’m so happy you are marrying Dad. We will be happy forever after.”
Since the wedding, Rebecca’s family have softened to Kate and have been round to the house to have Sunday dinner with the whole family.
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Happy Rio says: “Things are good now.”
And Kate adds: “Now I feel like a mum.
“It’s about love and care and being there for the children every day.”