Sonic the Hedgehog: From Internet Cautionary Tale to Record-Setting Film

From Paramount's point of view, is a nostalgia play and/or a kid play at launching a new film franchise, but what if you don't have much nostalgia for the little blue devil and can't get any of the kids in your life to care about this strange movie? Are you just wasting your time and money on something that's clearly not made for you? I would have thought so, but to my immense surprise, Sonic the Hedgehog is ...