My wife sleeps with her 10-year-old daughter in bed and never with me
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been married for 18 months but I never get to share the bed with my wife.
My wife is 37 and I’m 40. My wife has a daughter aged ten from her first marriage and they have always shared a bed since her first husband left.
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When we got together, my wife suggested I sleep in the spare room so her daughter wouldn’t be upset.
It’s getting to me now as I’m still in the spare room.
My wife says I’m jealous and being childish and that her daughter will get lonely if she has to sleep in her own bed.
I work long hours and we never get any time alone.
We do have sex but I get so hurt having to say goodnight to my wife on the landing.
DEIDRE SAYS: This is not a good pattern for your stepdaughter, never mind the effect it’s having on you and your relationship.
At ten she needs to be feeling safe in her own company at night – and should not feel she can limit your relationship with her mum.
Decorate her bedroom and suggest she choose some pretty bedding if the budget runs to it.
Then her mum needs to be firm that’s where she sleeps in future now she’s a growing girl.
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If she cries, calmly settle her back in her own bed.
Find more guidance through Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222)
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