Resident Evil: Which Boss Are You, Based On Your Zodiac?
If there’s one thing we can say about the bosses of the Resident Evil series, it’s that… well, they tend to be towering, slavering monstrosities with giant eyeballs where giant eyeballs don’t belong. If there’s another thing, though, it’s that they’re certainly a varied bunch. There’s something distinctly human about most of them, however mutated they may be.
From the villains of the movies to the boss battles of the games, each is completely distinct from the last. There’s a grotesque Resident Evil boss for all of us, which is why we’ve tried to break some of them down into the Zodiac type they suit the best.
12 Aries: Nemesis
As any Aries (or anyone who lives with an Aries) will tell you, this fire sign is known for its passion. Its motivation, confidence and persistence. An Aries is unstoppable in everything they set their mind to, with a stubborn will that can be defined in one word: Staaaaaars.
That’s right, friends. When it comes to this sign, we could think of no better fit than Resident Evil 3’s own Nemesis. This iconic creature was completely relentless in its pursuit of Jill Valentine and the other surviving S.T.A.R.S. members, most of whom swiftly stopped surviving once they met him.
11 Taurus: Ramon Salazar
For this earth sign, only the finer things in life will do. They enjoy moments of relaxation, contemplation and enjoying their creature comforts. Confident people with a lot of ambition, woe betide anyone who hurts a Taurus’s pride.
Does that sound like a certain tiny, arrogant castle-owner you know? Yep, Resident Evil 4’s Ramon Salazar spends most of his time lording it over Leon S. Kennedy, seemingly standing in empty rooms for hours on end so he can unleash his next lengthy diatribe on him. With his lust for power and easily goaded nature, Salazar’s pride got the best of him when he transformed into a huge gross tentacle-monster in a fruitless attempt to kill Leon. He died a true Taurus.
10 Gemini: Dr. William Birkin
The air sign Gemini is defined by several key traits. A certain intelligence, a lust for more knowledge, determination and drive. Most importantly, though, they have a real indecisiveness, a penchant to change their minds that really keeps others on their toes.
Dr. William Birkin, of Resident Evil 2, shares many of these characteristics. In the second game, we learn of his sad past, his commitment to his research and his willingness to inject himself with his creation, the G-virus, in a misguided attempt to defend it. He took no less than five different forms in a mini-series of boss battles. An indecisive Gemini genius to the end.
9 Cancer: U-8, “Ultimate-8”
For this water sign, emotions are both blessing and curse. It’s clear to see exactly what they’re feeling, as they struggle to keep these things inside. Obstinate and sometimes unwilling to make connections, Cancers are sensitive and volatile.
If you’ve played Resident Evil 5, you’ll probably remember a certain crabby crustacean that fits the bill nicely. U-8 is a huge, disgusting crab-like creature, which barrels at Chris Redfield and Sheva Alomar with unbridled aggression. A tough, unrelenting customer, it’s a Cancer right down to the fact that… well, it’s a crab. Partly.
8 Leo: Albert Wesker
The pride of the lion is a double-edged sword for this fire sign. Leos are committed, motivated, ambitious and driven to succeed, but this can also be their downfall when they become a little too proud. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, after all.
Albert Wesker perhaps defines this fact better than any other series villain. Over the course of the series, his pride builds and builds, to the point that he murders his own mentor and declares himself a god. Much like Harry Potter’s infamous Lord Voldemort, though, he lost sight of his own humanity in the process; inadvertently weakening himself and ultimately melting in a volcano while simultaneously taking two rockets to the face. Which didn’t happen to Voldemort.
7 Virgo: Lucas Baker
While Virgo is an earth sign, Virgos certainly have fiery personalities. They tend to be very perceptive, dedicated and observant, with a talent for making things. They also have a heck of an edge and shouldn’t be crossed.
With these traits in mind, who fits the bill better than Resident Evil 7’s Lucas Baker? The rest of the Bakers were corrupted by Eveline, but Lucas was always the bad seed. He had a penchant for trapping unfortunate victims in elaborate and deadly games and schemes of his own design, as creative and intelligent as he was vengeful and devious.
6 Libra: Jack Krauser
This air sign is depicted by the scales, an image that perfectly defines a Libra’s nature: they crave organisation, balance and harmony. You’ll rarely meet a Libra who doesn’t have a tidy home and a refrigerator with contents arranged in alphabetical order. A Libra is the Monica Geller of the Zodiac.
Resident Evil 4’s Jack Krauser has motivations that are confusing at best, but he states that he wants to bring about the return of the Umbrella Corporation. This will, as he puts it, “…bring order and balance to this insane world of ours.” This resourceful yet somewhat self-absorbed warrior defines what it means to be a Libra.
5 Scorpio: Stinger
This water sign has a lot of fiery characteristics. With passion, bravery and more than a little impetuousness, a Scorpio is never afraid to tackle a problem headlong, sometimes finding themselves in trouble as a result.
Resident Evil Zero’s Stinger is, if we’re being completely real, a gigantic scorpion. Even so, its aggressiveness, vicious nature and the tremendous impression it left on the player makes it a perfect Scorpio for other reasons too.
4 Sagittarius: Alex Wesker
A Sagittarius’ frankness is both refreshing and hugely off-putting. As a rule, this fire sign is passionate and dedicated, with little patience for those who don’t share their views. Their ideals mean everything to them, and they’ll stop at nothing to achieve them.
Alex Wesker, with ambition and power that rivalled even Albert Wesker’s, fits nicely here. Such was her independence and drive that she came to be revered by the locals of the islands that were the bases of her research.
3 Capricorn: Derek Simmons
For this earth sign, success is everything. Resourcefulness, tenacity and dedication are key to everything a Capricorn does, even if they have to go a little too far to achieve their aims.
For Resident Evil 6’s Derek C. Simmons, there was no such thing as too far. To achieve his aims with Project Ada and beyond, he abandoned all pretence of morality. How much resilience does it take to transform into a gigantic bug, freakish dinosaur and other nightmarish forms (even by Resident Evil’s horrifying standards) to achieve your goals? Quite a lot.
2 Aquarius: The Queen Zenobia’s Communications Officer
This air sign is another that is always decisive. They have their plans and they stick to them. Plans are their strong points, too, with their sharp minds and keen ability to size up situations.
This air sign is a great fit for Resident Evil Revelations’ Communications Officer, who hatched a plan to keep himself safe in the Queen Zenobia’s Promenade Hall. Sadly, he succumbed, though echoes of his caring Aquarius nature remained in the words he spoke in the battle.
1 Pisces: Lisa Trevor
A Pisces is defined by an ingenuity and friendly nature that makes them very approachable. Caring and kind-hearted, they have a willingness to see the best in people, which leaves them open to being taken advantage of.
Lisa Trevor’s is one of the saddest tales in the series. Abducted and experimented upon relentlessly, she retains little of her humanity. In heart-breaking scenes in the original game, we see every ounce of her grief and fear, further characteristics of a true Pisces.