Harangue

A few days before the Adam Sandler movie “Pixels” was released, Bob Chipman saw an advance screening. “I was bored within two minutes, angry after five, and by the time all hundred minutes had run out I was sad and numb,” he later said. Chipman, who is thirty-four and lives outside Boston, blogs about video games under the moniker the Game OverThinker and reviews films as MovieBob. (Tagline: “Film. Gaming. Politics. Geek.”) “Pixels” is an action-movie mashup of classic arcade games, such as Pac-Man. Chipman found the movie unequal to its subject matter. A few hours later, when his sadness had “simmered into pure, white-hot, pants-shitting rage,” he wrote down nineteen hundred words, read them into a microphone, paired the audio with a slide show and clips from the “Pixels” trailer, and posted the result on YouTube. “ ‘Pixels’ isn’t a movie,” Chipman says in the video. “It’s a motherfucking active crime scene, and the crime is cultural vandalism.” He goes on to describe the film as “a pile of skidmarked sumo thongs,” “a maggot-oozing head wound,” and a “waterfall of elephant jizz cascading into theaters this weekend.” He concludes, “Fuck everyone who made this movie.”