Heartbroken wife told she can’t spend 73rd anniversary together with husband

The great-grandparents had to celebrate their anniversary with a Zoom call, and it could be months before they see each other again.

An elderly couple were forced to celebrate their 73rd wedding anniversary miles apart because social services won’t let them live in a care home together, their family say.

Jean Charvill, 90, has been told she can manage to live at home alone in Derby, while her husband Ken Charvill, 93, has been moved to Victoria Park care home in Ilkeston, Derbyshire.

Her family say she is bed-bound and incontinent and are demanding she be moved into the care home and be reunited with her husband.

Their daughter, Sue Barradell, said her mum’s health had deteriorated since her dad went into the home because she misses him.

The great-grandparents had to celebrate their anniversary with a Zoom call on Sunday, and it could be months before they see each other again.

Mrs Barradell said: ‘In the past few months she has been in and out of the Royal Derby Hospital several times and every time, social services maintain that she can manage on her own with carers’ help and send her back home again for the same cycle to keep being repeated.

‘But we as a family know this isn’t the case that she can manage. Prior to going into hospital on the last occasion, she was left in a urine-soaked bed for several hours waiting for a carer to arrive, ending up with infections, slight pneumonia and a high temperature.

‘After over two weeks on antibiotics she is now assessed as being fit to leave hospital.

‘Once again Derby social services will not give her a care home placement even though there is a vacancy for her in the same care home as my dad, although they have agreed to assess her again which is an improvement on the past few months.’

Mrs Barradell, 72, has been shielding during the pandemic because of underlying health problems so has been unable to support her mother as much as she would like.

Her father was discharged to the care home in August after being admitted to Royal Derby Hospital at the height of the coronavirus pandemic.

The family have only been allowed to wave at the great-grandfather through a window as they get reports of how he is doing.

His wife was also admitted to the hospital in August and it became clear she would not be able to look after her husband at home.

Mrs Barradell said: ‘My mum is very aware of what is happening and all she wants is to be with her husband of 73 years and to spend their remaining time together.

‘She feels her position is degrading and feels the loss of dignity that goes with being bed-bound and relying on carers.’

Mrs Charvill came out of hospital again last week and has been sent by social services to be assessed at Perth House assisted living facility in Chaddesden, after Mrs Barradell insisted she could not be sent home on her own again.

Mrs Barradell said: ‘She arrived at Perth House very tearful and it has all been a bit of an ordeal for her.

‘I think she has accepted the fact she will not be with dad for their anniversary, but is still hoping that they can be together for Christmas. It’s heartbreaking to see this happening at this time of their lives.’

She added: ‘Surely there comes a time when it has to be accepted that care at home for her is not the answer?’

If Mrs Charvill is allowed to move to Victoria Park, she will have to self-isolate for two weeks before she can meet her husband.

A Derby City Council spokesman said: ‘Mrs Charvill was admitted into the Royal Derby Hospital early in November from her home, where she had been living with support from a local care organisation.

‘Whilst in hospital, it was identified that Mrs Charvill would benefit from a period of further assessment within Perth House – which is owned and run by Derby City Council and is for people who need a period of assessment and support after hospital.

‘Perth House provides short term support and the vast majority of people return home afterwards.

‘If someone does need to move into a care home on a permanent basis, we will work with the family which could include supporting partners to remain together if this is possible.

‘The council works with colleagues at the Royal Derby to avoid making decisions about long term care at the point someone is in hospital and going to Perth House gives individuals the opportunity to receive intensive therapies and to enable a fuller assessment of their support needs.’

Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at webnews@metro.co.uk.

For more stories like this, check our news page.