A young woman has been in touch with my husband claiming she is his daughter
DEAR DEIDRE: A YOUNG woman has been in touch with my husband claiming she is his daughter.
Just one look at her photo and I knew it was true — she’s the spitting image of him.
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She’s 20, very pretty with dark hair like my husband’s and she has dark brown eyes.
We’ve been together for 17 years and have two sons who are 12 and seven. There is a strong resemblance between all three children.
I’m 35 and my husband is 43.
I can remember the moment I laid eyes on him at a party — it was pretty much love at first sight.
He’s a very good-looking man.
Soon after we started dating, and although he’d been out with countless women before me, he settled down with me.
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So it came as a complete shock when he received a letter recently from an agency, saying he had a daughter who wanted to meet him.
We argued about whether it was genuine, but he said he should at least meet her to see whether there was any truth in it.
They met for a coffee, and when he came home he had a big grin on his face.
He said she was lovely and wanted to keep in touch with her.
He went out with her a couple of times before Christmas and it looks as if he really wants to make up for lost time and be a dad to her.
I know she’s done nothing wrong and all this happened before he met me, but I’m not ready to accept her.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt she will be competing with you for his affection.
This is a different relationship and they are only just getting to know one another.
Your husband is a good dad to your sons.
He didn’t know of her existence until the letter arrived but he’s taking his new responsibility seriously.
Knowing him as you do, would you expect anything less?
Your husband would be wise to arrange a DNA test just to be certain.
Cellmark (cellmark.co.uk, 0800 036 2522) arrange confidential, conclusive, court-approved DNA testing.
This will be an adjustment for all of you, but your boys may well be delighted.
Children adapt very easily, and it is exciting to have a new big sister.
Take baby steps. Once coronavirus restrictions allow, arrange to meet her when you are both ready and when you feel more accepting of having a stepdaughter.
You can introduce the boys to her at a later date.
And you can find emotional support through Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 080 8800 2222).
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