The MCU's History Of Dick Jokes | Screen Rant
WandaVision's finale caused controversy for reducing Evan Peters' role as Quicksilver to no more than a dirty joke but it wasn't the first time the MCU has done dick jokes. In fact, the franchise has defied its conventional family-friendly label - which doesn't quite fit with the material in a broad sense - for several examples since Robert Downey Jr's Iron Man launched the universe in 2008.
Conventional wisdom, contrastingly, suggests that the MCU doesn't do adult material, with Avengers: Age Of Ultron famously using Chris Evans' Captain America for a silly joke in which he berated his teammates for swearing in battle. It took until Endgame for the MCU to move past the idea of Cap as a moderator of language use, but the idea of an internally censored franchise has always stuck. Considering the fact that the MCU's 20+ movies have dealt with mass murder, PTSD, substance abuse allegories, historical abuse and mental health struggles, the persistent family label doesn't really fit. Yes, there is an agenda to avoid needless darkness in tone and aesthetic, and the language remains mostly PG-13, but as the franchise has grown in age, so too has the appropriate audience. WandaVision joked about sexual relationships and in a way that wasn't played for laughs like the distasteful, notorious "hide the zucchini" joke.
And as an extension of the idea that the MCU isn't really as kid-friendly as it might seem, there is a strange history of penis-related jokes in the franchise. Which may explain Paul Bettany's apparent obsession with Vision's genitals. Or the fact that Thor's entire motif for much of the first three phases was unavoidably phallic given the rules of lifting his hammer and the Asgardian's overt parallel with masculinity and strength. It is not high-brow writing, and it perhaps speaks to why the movies have traditionally had issues with female representation until WandaVision kicked off a new more diverse Phase 4.
During the finale of The Avengers, Tony Stark is faced down by Loki, seemingly crowing his victory at the Battle of New York in Avengers Tower. The God of Mischief attempts his possession trick again on Stark using the Mind Stone inside his Sceptre only to be thwarted by Iron Man's arc reactor, complaining that “this usually works.” Stark's returned quip fits Tony's maturity level: "Well, performance issues, it's not uncommon..." Considering Loki's arc is driven by conflict with Thor and an apparent inferiority complex that leads him to try and invade his father and brother's favorite Realm, it's not illogical but it's cheap.
Because Tony Stark only really learned anything about personal growth in the MCU's Phase 3, he makes an almost identical performance-related joke when the Avengers enjoy their HYDRA victory in Sokovia by testing their worthiness. As Hawkeye goes to try his hand at lifting the hammer, Stark quips "Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up." And then when Barton fails, he steps up for his own attempt by saying he's "never one to shrink from a challenge" with a knowing look.
So why does he do it? Aside from the script-writer believing this to be hilarious, at this stage in his arc - perhaps because of that writing - Stark is not the good man he would become by the time he died in Endgame's finale. He was always cocky, always invested in expressing his supremacy, and still a bit of a bully. Of course he'd equate machismo to virility.
If there was any question of the MCU's disdain for the romantic angle between Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff even as Joss Whedon needlessly shoe-horned it into Age Of Ultron, confirmation should come thanks to another Tony Stark line. Because Tony Stark may have proclaimed himself a genius, but his humor was surprisingly one-dimensional. In the Avengers sequel, Stark mocks the burgeoning romance between two of his fellow heroes by berating Black Widow for being late to the battlefield because with "you better not be playing hide the zucchini with Banner". Given the fact that the relationship is supposed to add emotional depth, having a snarky put-down of it for laughs was remarkably reductive.
Guardians of the Galaxy changed the tone somewhat for its penile humor, because it's played to reflect the emptiness of Peter Quill's life, even as he brags about it. Before realizing the missing thing in his life was a family including Gamora as Quill's soulmate, Quill spent his spare time promiscuously, to the point he forgot one of his partners was still on his ship at one point. When challenged by Gamora on his ship being filthy, Quill says she has no idea and that "If I had a black light, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting". It's puerile, but fitting of Quill, and in the context of his wider arc does speak to both his exaggerated bravado and his loneliness.
A few years ahead of Paul Bettany's obsession with Vision's genitals, James Gunn had Dave Bautista's Drax the Destroyer ask Ego the Eternal whether he made himself a penis. Intended to show Drax's continued issues with appropriate social conduct, it's a silly moment crowning the way the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel reframed Drax as a purely comedic figure. But given the attention around Vision's physical make-up - particularly when his children are born - it obviously answered a question someone was asking.
In a more overt reference to the fact that all of these MCU jokes seem to equate genitals with heroism, Ant-Man 2 has a female character finally fight back on the gags. When Paul Rudd's Scott Lang meets Bill Foster (Laurence Fishburne) in the sequel, the pair talk about their respective abilities to grow in size. Naturally, they share their record sizes, with Lang's 65 feet beating Foster's 21, to which Hope Van Dyne quips “If you two are finished comparing sizes, we need to figure out a way to track down the lab.” A surprisingly knowing reference given the MCU's strange history in this area.
While there had been some speculation that Evan Peters' appearance as Pietro Maximoff in WandaVision would set up the multiverse and the X-Men's potential arrival in the MCU, it all came down to a dick joke. Controversially, the fake Pietro was revealed to actually be Ralph Bohner, a Westview resident given the real Quicksilver's powers somehow by Agatha Harkness to try and dupe Wanda. That a bigger reveal might have created a bit more fan-bait for a show marketed incredibly hard by fan speculation and engagement online, WandaVision's Ralph reveal was the right way to go. Unfortunately for more cynical viewers, it will now be the only thing the finale is remembered for.
The key thing to remember about WandaVision is that it was full of misdirection, both in the marketing - including in mischievous interviews by Paul Bettany - and within the show. It was a show obsessed from the very first episode with appearances and duplicity, with red herrings littered throughout because of the inherent mystery approach of the narrative. With the reveal that Agnes was in fact Agatha Harkness all along teased as soon as Katharine Hahn was cast, the show worked hard to throw in hints of another big villain and informed fans took the bait. Mephisto didn't appear, there was no big cameo for an aerospace engineer and Quicksilver's cameo meant nothing. The sight of Ralph Bohner laughing at his own surname before Monica woke him from his magical possession played into WandaVision's game of tricks perfectly.