Friends: Rachel's Shadiest Burns, Ranked | ScreenRant
Friends has a decade of catchy comebacks and sarcastic quips under its belt, from each of its characters. Rachel certainly had her fair share of brutal and witty responses, and she could come up with insults on the fly. Rachel's burns were usually directed towards Ross, given their on-again, off-again relationship and the many arguments they had over the years.
However, she could be quite vicious when she was angry or hurt, or wanted to get back at someone, like when she threw certain barbs Monica's way the night they were packing Rachel's things. Whatever the situation, Rachel had her fair share of burns for the people around her.
10 "Well Maybe There Was A Dog Looking At Him."
Rachel's tossed plenty of burns Ross's way over the years. In season 4, Ross decides to play a game of rugby with some friends of Emily's to prove to her how tough he is. Rachel reminds her former boyfriend that he got hurt playing a game of badminton with her father, to which Ross said it was because her mom's dog kept looking at him.
When they later watch one of the players take a hard fall in the rugby game they're watching on TV, Rachel says the above quote. Had Joey not intervened, she and Ross probably would have had some kind of confrontation and fight, given the tension that had been building up.
9 "Your Teeth? Yeah, I Saw Them From Outside."
As many fas remember, Ross was seen to get his teeth whitened after he was seen to be getting ready for a date ("The One With Ross' Teeth"). However, he soon finds himself ridiculed by the gang when he finds that they are a little bit too bright.
Rachel didn't waste any time when Ross asks if she noticed anything different about him. She says she didn't have to ask about his teeth because they were bright enough for her to see from the outside. She didn't spend too long focusing on Ross's teeth though, as she wanted to tell Monica and Chandler about Phoebe making out with Ralph Lauren. Rachel's never short of witticisms, especially when it comes to Ross.
8 "Really! You Don't Say! Because Mine Was Licked On By Kittens!"
Rachel and Phoebe decide to get tattoos, but Phoebe backs out when she finds out how the tattoo process really goes. Rachel isn't too happy with her friend and comes up with this sarcastic barb when Phoebe asks if Rachel knew that needles were used in getting tattoos.
Rachel was actually quite brutal to Phoebe about backing out; Phoebe can sometimes be naïve, and Rachel failed to be more understanding and patient with her.
7 "Oh, Are You Setting Ross Up With Someone? Does She Have A Wedding Dress?"
It's long been a running gag for the gang to make fun of Ross and his exes, as well as their weddings. Rachel doesn't miss the opportunity to throw in this jibe when she overhears that Ross wants Monica to set him up with someone. Ross does tend to jump into marriage a little too soon and does want to find "the one" to spend the rest of his life with.
He doesn't necessarily appreciate the jokes his friends make about his marriages and divorces, but he's usually a good sport. Rachel though, like the rest of the gang, finds entertainment in making jokes about Ross's marriages.
6 "Funny. I Was Just Gonna Go Across The Hall And Write That On Chandler."
On the night before Rachel is to move in with Phoebe, and Chandler with Monica, the three girls are packing up Rachel's things. At first, it's a sad affair as Rachel and Monica reminisce. However, Phoebe inadvertently sparks a fight between the two when she suggests they remember things they won't miss about one another.
Rachel and Monica begin to fight, and Monica comments as she carries out one of Rachel's boxes of clothes that she would label it "what were you thinking?" to which Rachel gives the above response. It's pretty brutal and it certainly cuts deep. Luckily, the two girls made up in time to enjoy their last night together.
5 "Uh, No, No. It Bothered Me When He Slept With Other Women."
Chandler is horrified to learn that Monica flirts with other guys and asks Rachel if she had a problem with Ross flirting when they were dating. Rachel's response is priceless, and Ross is none too pleased with Chandler for bringing up that touchy topic.
Though, in the same episode, Rachel kindly helps Ross out by talking with the delivery girl that he was attempting to flirt with and getting her number for him. She delivered both a burn and a kind act in "The One Where Ross Can't Flirt," showing that Rachel had significantly matured compared to when she and Ross first broke up.
4 "Oh I'm Sorry, Did My Back Hurt Your Knife?"
Rachel is hurt to find out that Monica is befriending Julie, Ross's new girlfriend. The ultimate betrayal is when Rachel learns that Monica went shopping with Julie of all things. Later, Monica tries to apologize and Rachel says the above quote in response.
Though, the two ultimately make up when Rachel admits that she fears Julie is stealing Monica from her, and Monica assures her that that could never happen. Rachel's burn was witty, and it made for an unforgettable moment in her and Monica's friendship.
3 "Go To The Post Office! I'm Sure Her Picture's Up!"
When Monica's identity is stolen, she goes to extreme lengths to find out who the perpetrator is, even attending a dance class that the thief signed up for. Rachel is concerned that Monica is becoming a bit too obsessed with getting to know the identity thief, and the above response is Rachel's witty suggestion to Monica's plan of catching the culperate.
It probably would have been the better route, considering Monica's pursuit of the thief led to her having a bit of an identity crisis herself.
2 "Oh, I See. So This Suit Is Making A Point. Now That You're On Your Own, You're Free To Look As Stupid As You'd Like."
In "The One With A Chick And A Duck," Ross is seen to come over to tell Monica and Rachel about his upcoming appearance on TV, but unfortunately for him, they are both preoccupied with his white suit. They make jokes, with Rachel asking him if he's gotten a job on a riverboat. Ross initially isn't up for their jokes and tells Rachel that since she's not his girlfriend anymore, he's free to wear what he wants.
The above response is Rachel's funny way of tossing a burn Ross's way, and Ross leaves before he tells them about his news. Their jokes concerning his wardrobe choice were pretty entertaining, though Ross certainly didn't think so.
1 "I Didn't Have To Because I Was Wearing My 'I Heart Ross' Sandwich Board And Ringing My Bell."
Ross is more than a little suspicious when Mark gets Rachel an interview at Bloomingdale's and offers to prep her for it. He's convinced that Mark wants more from Rachel than she realizes, and his jealousy truly shows, which annoys Rachel to no end.
When Ross inquires if Rachel told "Mark Something" about him, Rachel's above response is priceless. Ross's jealousy over Mark and his failure to really trust Rachel is part of what would ultimately lead to their break-up.