I’m a relationship expert – people think low sex drive is the biggest problem couples have but this is what it REALLY is
AS MUCH as we all hope for a happily ever after, couples are bound to encounter a rough patch or two throughout their time together.
Lack of intimacy is one of the biggest issues many married couples face, and as your healthy (and mindblowing) sex life begins to dwindle so does the connection you once had.
“One couple might initiate their need for intimacy more than the other – it might be about holding hands in public, or making a suggestion for sex,” explains Lucy Beresford, psychotherapist and author of Happy Relationships.
“But if the bids for connection are repeatedly rebuffed, this can cause serious hurt.”
While a decrease of sexual desire is certainly a common issue, it’s not the biggest one, according to the experts – and we should actually be looking at the smaller things we do on a daily basis.
“There is lots of information around on what constitutes the most common problems people encounter in their relationships, with arguing, money, infidelity, growing apart, boredom and sex usually appearing in the top 10,” Jenny Porter and Anna Cantwell, Relationship Counsellors at Marriage Care told Fabulous.
“All of these though most likely have a common thread, and that is poor communication.”
Once a couple loses the ability to talk with one another, they will inevitably start to encounter issues elsewhere in their relationship, the experts warn, especially if this becomes a prolonged loss of connection.
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Luckily, though, you can prevent these issues from arising to begin with by “prioritising time and space to talk”.
“This is something that for some has suffered through the pandemic,” Jenny and Anna explain.
“Although we have been spending more time with our partners, the reduced contact with friends, family and work colleagues, may leave us feeling we have less to talk about.
“More time in the home together may also be leading to more friction around household chores and child care.
“Also with children being around more, there can be less opportunity for time alone.
“If this disconnect is left to develop, couples can find themselves feeling alone and isolated from their partner and that is when issues can start to develop, or cracks that were already there may widen.”
Some couples believe that they communicate brilliantly but they still end up having rows about the same thing.
Lucy Beresford
Lucy, who’s also a broadcaster and panellist, agrees saying most couples fail to communicate properly then fail to fix it.
She says: “Some couples believe that they communicate brilliantly but they still end up having rows about the same thing. They think they are talking about the problem they have today, but really they are re-hashing old hurts and unresolved conflicts”
In addition to this, the author says it’s common for married couples to develop “grooves” in their relationship.
These “grooves” make them feel confident and secure in their relationship but they can be the very thing that cause tension or friction.
“Often one person will be the one who always makes supper while the other is the one who always puts out the bins. But if one person ends up doing all the chores it can lead to resentment,” explains Lucy.
Meanwhile, “willful blindness” can be just as troublesome with Lucy adding:”Not seeing that the socks on the floor won’t make it into the laundry basket on their own, or that the item left on the stairs won’t make it to the top floor unaided, can really cause tension.”
In other relationship-related news, a sexpert revealed the biggest lies we’ve been told about sex – and no, not ALL contraception is reliable.
Plus a sexpert revealed the most common mistakes they ALWAYS see couples make in bed – so how many are YOU guilty of?
We recently revealed how often most people are having sex & how to make sure you’re hitting the mark.