The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

5 said she doesn’t need to go to school anymore because she can already count up to 10 and that’s enough because she probably won’t ever eat more than 10 cupcakes

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) January 20, 2022

Felt like wallowing in self pity today so I googled the net worth of my kid’s favorite YouTuber.

— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) January 19, 2022

6YO dropped the iPad on her face last night. I hugged her tight and laughed behind her back. Am I going to hell?!

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 20, 2022

My 4yo is always wearing Spider-Man clothes but refuses to watch Spider-Man and this is my life as a parent

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) January 15, 2022

Kids only want one thing and it’s to play with whatever their sibling is playing with

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) January 20, 2022

My 9-year-old fact checks my “No. Absolutely not” by asking the same question 78 more times.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 18, 2022

Took my 10 y/o daughter skiing and she biffed hard. Another dad happened to be right there to check on her and when I skied up, she said, “Don’t worry, I told him I’m fine so he wouldn’t think you were a bad dad for letting me fall.”

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 18, 2022

My kid just found out about pig latin and it is torture

— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) January 20, 2022

My son received applause from strangers today for the first time (held up his airplane to a group of construction workers) and he is permanently ruined. Muttered “Dey loved me” for 45 minutes. Wanted to go back to “All the clapping men.” Where’s the book on raising Sally Field?

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 19, 2022

I just love agreeing to play a game that my kid made all of the rules for only for her to say

“wow mom you’re really bad at this game”

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 18, 2022

Parenting books: calm your child’s tantrums with empathy

Me to tantrumming 5yo: it looks like you need a hug

5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 15, 2022

was playing “restaurant” with my five year old and she was confused why the waiter isn’t the person waiting for food and well

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2022

Ways to make a teen roll their eyes:

1. Say, "Good morning"
2. Tell them you love them
3. Look at them

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) January 21, 2022

*10 yr old asks for something*

Me: Okay.

10: That's it? No 4 hour lecture or reminder about rules and stuff?

Me: No, I think you're old enough. BUT, this does not mean you...

10: And there it is...

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) January 20, 2022

i sent the boys out to play in the snow and welcomed them back in to dryer-warmed pajamas and now they say i’m the best mom in the world, and all I can think is “damn, i hope they never raise their standards”

— Kiss my Fat Ash???? (@Tobi_Is_Fab) January 17, 2022

8 happily rode Tower of Terror (when he was 6) but says Toy Story 4 is “too dangerous and scary”.

— ????Cat???? (@CatJacquesESPN) January 18, 2022

My stepson is only two weeks into his first relationship with a girlfriend and is already down seventeen sweatshirts.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 18, 2022

Me: How was school?

4 year old: James ruined my whole entire day

Me: Oh no what happened?

4 year old: I don’t know

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) January 18, 2022

My 6 y/o started doing this thing where he asks, "remember when..." & then tells you something that happened 5 minutes ago.

I'm no longer the old man in the house.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 18, 2022

When my teens are sick: suck it up, drink some water, go to bed at a decent time, quit eating so much junk food and this won’t happen.

When my dog sneezes: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY, MY POOR BABY

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 15, 2022