My wife won’t kiss me so I have virtual sex with camgirls – it’s not cheating
DEAR DEIDRE: MY life is in a vicious cycle, centred around intimacy.
My wife isn’t interested in sex. She never even wants a kiss or a cuddle, so I find women online who will give me attention.
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Then my wife finds out, is furious and turns even colder towards me. So I behave for a while, then get tempted again.
I’m a man of 56. My wife is 58.
We have been married for 34 years but over the past couple she has withdrawn from me physically, whereas my sex drive is higher than ever.
I always have to make the first move and if I didn’t instigate sex, it wouldn’t happen.
My wife isn’t even interested in little kisses and cuddles anymore, not even after the rare occasions when we do have sex.
Sometimes I will approach her randomly for a hug or kiss but she reacts by saying she is too busy. Sometimes she tells me to get off and leave her alone.
Feeling rejected, I have started looking elsewhere for attention. These women online give me a buzz and make me feel wanted again.
Sometimes we have virtual sex, other times it’s just a flirty chat.
My wife has caught me out several times and we have had huge arguments. Each time I promise to stop but after a while I can’t resist.
We have talked about it on more than one occasion and have both said we’d try harder to make things work, but it just doesn’t happen.
I don’t really think of this as cheating but obviously my wife does. I love her and she is my rock so wish I could change this pattern.
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I know I am hurting her and I have tried so hard to stop.
My wife thinks I shouldn’t want sex so much at my age. Is there something wrong with me?
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DEIDRE SAYS: The thing that is wrong is your lack of communication in your relationship. Sexting is a form of cheating and you are risking your marriage each time you are caught.
I can understand your sexual frustration. Sex and intimacy are more than just intercourse and orgasms.
There is no everyday affection in your relationship, which can have a knock-on effect on your sexual relationship.
You both need to communicate. Your wife needs to realise you are at breaking point, while you need to understand why she has gone off sex.
It can become painful after the menopause and some women lose their libido, so ask her to see her doctor.
Couples’ counselling could be useful too. Contact tavistockrelationships.org (0207 380 1960).
In the meantime, my support pack Great Sex At Any Age will help you both.