Ok kids, let’s see how you deal with REAL problems – like a posting to Ukraine’s frontline
TORY chairman Oliver Dowden says “social justice warriors” are threatening our freedoms and consequently robbing us of the “self-confidence we need to uphold our values”.
He added that a confident UK and its allies would be pointing out to “would-be aggressors” such as Russia the strength of a free society rather than “obsession over pronouns”.
Quite. Perhaps, in the spirit of the superb TV show Wife Swap, we could film Strife Swap, where any noisy rabble-rousers bleating about how terrible the UK is could change places with someone for whom life in this country would rightly feel like nirvana by comparison.
For episode one, a bunch of Gen Zs might be torn away from their war on free speech in our universities for a lesson in how so many young lads their age fought in the Second World War precisely so they could enjoy the freedom they have today.
Perhaps a posting to the Ukrainian border with Russia might help them to understand the fear of facing down a deadly force that might kill you?
Here’s a gun, kids. You have a choice — kill or get killed.
Episode two could follow the idiots who defaced the statue of Winston Churchill in Parliament Square (because they deemed him to be “racist”) as they’re shipped off to North Korea to vandalise the 20m high statue of the country’s former leader Kim Jong-il who ran it as an oppressive and totalitarian dictatorship.
As they danced on the plinth clutching their home-made signs, one feels sure that his son Kim Jong-un, the current leader of North Korea, would find all manner of unique ways to ensure that they never did it again.
And you can bet your steel-capped jackboots that none of them would involve an appearance at the local magistrates’ court and a £200 fine.
For episode three, we would follow the journey of the Extinction Rebellion mob as they glue themselves to Beijing’s 2nd Ring Road, the main thoroughfare that keeps the city moving.
One doubts the Beijing SWAT (Special Weapons And Tactics Unit, as you ask) would be popping the kettle on for a lovely tea and chat with the numpties paralysing commuter traffic.
The road would be peppered with skin patches as they were literally torn from the scene and carted off to the nearest prison for a morning of torture followed by an afternoon programme of forced labour.
Other episodes could see our “social justice warriors” enjoying a month or two living under the Taliban regime in Afghanistan or joining some of the 26million Congolese currently enduring the world’s largest hunger crisis.
In other words, experiencing the real problems faced by those who aren’t fortunate enough to live in a country where certain people have the luxury of noisily trying to undermine its vales at every turn.
Perhaps the season finale could show all the participants gratefully kissing the tarmac at Heathrow as they return back to old Blighty.
Life in the UK isn’t perfect; far from it. And it’s important that we continue to hear opinions on how it can be improved.
But “cancelling” the voices that don’t agree with you, or viewing important historical figures through the virtue-signalling prism of today, is a dangerously dictatorial path that no one wants to go down.
Julia’s love has gone west
American actress Julia Fox has confirmed her split from rapper Kanye West.
She was pictured taking a stroll in Manhattan, New York, just hours after the, er, devastating news broke with a sewed up pair of jeans.
Was it a handbag she was carrying? Or did Kanye make an extremely hasty exit?
That's h-Andy
BEFORE Prince Andrew settled, his lawyers asked to see the original copy of the photo showing him with his arm round accuser Virginia Roberts, then 17.
They reportedly hoped that a photographic expert might cast doubt on its authenticity.
But now a source close to Ms Roberts Giuffre claims she has “lost” the original print.
Perhaps it’s at the bottom of the North Sea along with the smartphone of Becky Vardy’s agent?
King’s tough task
HER Majesty’s announcement that Camilla will become Queen Consort has polarised the nation.
Half (primarily the over-50s) feel that it’s fundamentally a good idea because she’s ignored the post-Diana brickbats and quietly got on with the job, blah blah blah.
And half (primarily the under-50s) couldn’t give a flying fig and think the whole concept of a monarchy is outdated nonsense.
Which, as die-hard royalists slowly shuffle off this mortal coil, suggests that staying relevant will be the biggest challenge facing “King Charles”.
Cocks and bull
LAST week, I wrote about the imminent closure of Ye Olde Fighting Cocks — Britain’s “oldest pub”.
Now it’s hoped someone will save it and animal rights group PETA has suggested any new landlord should serve only vegan food.
Yep, that should finish it off for good.
Boris a prime target
SUPPORTERS of the PM have accused Chancellor Rishi Sunak of shamelessly plotting against him and say there’s no way “someone so duplicitous” would be elected as leader.
Are they seriously suggesting that Boris Johnson just guilelessly stumbled into the top job without throwing verbal banana skins under the feet of any potential threats?
Man-I-love Barry
I LOVE a Barry Manilow song. It gladdens the heart.
So the ruse to play his greatest hits through a loudspeaker to hopefully deter protesters from gathering outside New Zealand’s parliament was sure to backfire.
Instead, they all started to sing and dance along.
Perhaps someone should suggest putting the Joe Pasquale ditty “I know a song that will get on your nerves” on a loop instead.
That should disperse the crowd in mere minutes.
No thunder
THE Met Office has named two storms set to wreak havoc across the country, causing flying debris and dangerously large waves that could threaten lives.
Storms Titan and Godzilla perhaps? Or Fang and Claw?
Nope. They’re called Dudley and Eunice.
Who, quite frankly, sound like they’ve been married for 40 years, enjoy salsa classes at their local village hall and think Midsomer Murders is edgy.
Harry super vague
I HAVE just finished watching the Netflix show Last Chance U, about young men from socially deprived backgrounds hoping their American football skills will get them scholarships to college.
The games stop, start and splutter along like an old car, there are about 50 people on the sideline who seem to run on and off the pitch when it suits them, and the entire team seems to change depending on where the ball is.
The rules are so complex I could study them for the next five years and still not understand what the hell’s going on.
So perhaps Prince Harry wasn’t “bored” when his eyes glazed over at the US Super Bowl.
Perhaps, like most non-Yanks, he was simply confused.
Shrink rapped
PSYCHIATRIST Dr Deborah Staite has been allowed to keep her job after causing a head-on car crash while under the influence of three bottles of wine.
But despite having a previous drink-drive conviction, a medical tribunal says the shrink, based in Stroud, Gloucs, can work under supervision because she poses no risk to clients.
That may be. But is a psychiatrist who can’t work out her own issues going to be much help to them either?