My married lover told me he wanted us to have a baby – but now he’s blocked me
DEAR DEIDRE: MY married lover told me he wanted us to have a child so he’d have half of me for ever – but that was a lie.
I’m 32 and I’ve never had a long-term relationship before. He’s 40 and has a wife and two kids.
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We started having an affair last year and he told me he’d fancied me from the moment he saw me.
We both work for the NHS and during Covid the stress was immeasurable.
Soon we started having lunch breaks together and then he came back to my accommodation, telling his wife he couldn’t come home as regularly because of the pandemic.
We grew closer and began the affair. One month into it, he said he was going to leave his wife because he loved me.
But two days later he backtracked, telling me he couldn’t because of his children.
His solution? We should start a family, and that way he would always be tied to me.
We started being more careless when we had sex, not using condoms and not caring whether I got pregnant.
He then got moved to a different hospital 20 miles away, because they needed his expertise. I didn’t see him as much but he would turn up unannounced at mine as if he had never been gone.
We’d have sex and then he’d leave me without even a “thanks for a great evening”. I would feel just so rejected by him.
Yesterday I saw he had actually blocked me on his phone, without so much as an explanation or even a goodbye. I’m so angry.
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Part of me wants his wife to find out what a scumbag he really is.
I’m not the first person he’s slept with behind his wife’s back but I also still care for him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re not the first and won’t be the last to fall for the charms of somebody who was never really going to commit. It’s tough.
His talk about having a child with you was probably exactly what you wanted to hear – that he was going to be there for you.
But false promises are just his cynical way of keeping you hooked in.
Thank goodness you don’t have to face bringing up a child alone.
Because this was your first proper relationship, you’ll have learned from it and won’t fall into that trap again.
As he’s now working in a different hospital, you can move on without running into him.
If he turns up at your home, please value yourself and tell him casual relationships aren’t your style – and it’s over.
My support pack called Your Lover Not Free will help.