Miss Manners: For years, I’ve wondered about this conversation I overheard about myself

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am married with a great family, but in the back of my mind, I wonder if my mom is keeping something from me.

Years ago, I came home late after running errands for my mom, and I overheard her and my sibling talking. Mind you, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but they were loud, and I heard the end of the conversation. The words I heard from my sibling were, “If my sister ever finds out, say this.”

I wonder to this day what they are hiding from me. Maybe I was adopted, or maybe it’s something else they prefer not to discuss. Every time I try to confront them, they look at me like they don’t know what I am talking about.

What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Had the conversation happened yesterday, Miss Manners might share your suspicion about their inability to remember the topic. But years later?

Likely, they really have forgotten — as should you. If that is impossible, at least consider that a secret you do not know can be good as well as bad: Perhaps they were discussing your surprise birthday party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I throw a dinner party, I always make sure to provide tasty vegetarian dishes for those so inclined. I even make room for vegans, who can be quite demanding. But my vegetarian and vegan friends never provide a meat dish for anyone when they host a meal.

I think a little reciprocity is in order. People can always provide doggie bags if they are afraid of having a piece of fried chicken left over.

GENTLE READER: Let’s not add fuel to a fire that is already too well-stoked.

Miss Manners realizes that not everyone with special dietary needs is polite about not drawing attention to them at the table. But that problem will not be solved by asking hosts — who may be vegetarian for religious or health reasons that would be a serious impediment to what you propose — to serve meat.

You add vegetarian dishes to ensure that people have something to eat, not to make available an endless number of choices.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend, who, when invited to dinner at my home, fills her plate but doesn’t eat everything on it.

Being sick and tired of watching my hard work and expensive groceries end up in the garbage, is there a polite way to ask her to go easy and then have seconds if she is still hungry?

GENTLE READER: No, but there is a solution to your problem, which has the added benefit of being more formal and decorous: Fill your guests’ plates yourself.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.