Harriette Cole: My fiancee has cut me out of our wedding plans

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee has completely taken the lead on planning our wedding, and she doesn’t seem to care about my opinions at all.

Planning our wedding has been extremely stressful, and we’ve argued regularly because of our conflicting opinions.

My fiancee won’t let me have input on anything — not even the type of food that we serve.

I know that it will be her special day, but it will be my special day, too.

How can I tell her what I want without causing an argument?

Newly Engaged

DEAR NEWLY ENGAGED: Wedding planning is stressful almost always. I’m sorry this is your experience, but you do not need to acquiesce.

Schedule a meeting with your fiancee and ask her to give you a chance to air your thoughts and feelings. Explain that you are looking forward to this wedding as much as she is, and you want to be involved in the planning. Acknowledge that she may have had a dream of designing her wedding since she was little. That’s fine. Let her know that you, too, have a dream for your wedding day.

Put your foot down and make it clear that you are not OK with her taking over entirely. Tell her the things you want to be a part of, including food tastings, decor, music and whatever else you fancy.

You may also want to enlist the support of a marriage counselor. Engaged couples are advised to do this anyway, so that you can sort through your ideas about marriage, family and overall values. You can include talking about shared responsibilities for your wedding and your life. Your fiancee’s controlling behavior around the wedding could point to similar behavior in the future.

I recommend that you talk through this and determine a way forward that is more inclusive of both of your voices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My new job has a much more laid-back work environment than I am used to.

At the orientation, the higher-ups shared a number of important rules and guidelines with the new hires, but I seem to be the only employee who’s following them. My co-workers seem to do whatever they want at all times, and they rarely meet sales goals.

The environment is definitely hurting my productivity at work. I am a hard worker, and I always want to do a good job — regardless of what others have going on. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m at the wrong company. What should I do?

Hard Worker

DEAR HARD WORKER: Compete with yourself to remain productive and proactive. Establish goals for yourself based on the company guidelines and your understanding of what productivity means there. Don’t brag about your plans. Instead, focus on getting the work done.

You will also need to establish rapport with your co-workers. While you may consider them unproductive, being part of the team is an important component to a positive work experience. Observe how they get along, and figure out ways that you can interact meaningfully with them while still getting your work done. All of this will keep you so busy that you should stay motivated, at least in the short term.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.