Mailbag: Who’d win a fight between every NHL coach? Plus history’s greatest Mark Donk and more

The trade deadline has passed, it’s still another month before the playoffs, I’m bored and the mailbag is overflowing. Let’s get weird.

Note: Submitted questions have been edited for clarity and style.

Which current coach would win in a 32-man fight held today? – A lot of you, as it turns out.

OK, I guess we have to do this.

If you’re not on Twitter, first of all congratulations on your life choices, and also you would have missed me tweeting this a few days ago:

I try very very hard not to get baited by silly infographics from marketing companies that are clearly based on nothing, but this one is an all-timer. pic.twitter.com/AJfVhKHSGh

— Down Goes Brown (@DownGoesBrown) March 24, 2022

The list came from one of those weird pages where some marketing firm churns out a few low-calorie infographics in hope of getting some free web site traffic, and I guess this one worked. But now people want to know what a real list of fight-worthy NHL coaches would look like, and apparently they think I’m the one to provide it.

I can’t claim to know the answer here, because I have never fought a real NHL coach and I’m pretty sure I’d have about as much success as Harvey the Hound if I ever tried. If one of these guys ever swung at me, my chin would make early-90s Doug Gilmour look like Chris Rock. I like a good laugh as much as anyone, but I’m not getting put through a table by Bruce Boudreau at the draft just you can have some internet giggles.

Luckily, I don’t have to, because you all gave me the answers in your replies to my tweet. So based on your feedback, and with just a little of my own sprinkled in, here’s how this would play out. In tribute to Craig Custance, we’ll do it in tiers.

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