I caught my alcoholic husband sexting another woman on the bus

DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE sitting behind my husband on the coach back home from a football match, I caught him sexting another woman. I am a woman of 37 and he’s 42. I couldn’t believe how brazen he was after I spotted his disgusting messages. He was sitting with a mate and I was with his […]

DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE sitting behind my husband on the coach back home from a football match, I caught him sexting another woman.

I am a woman of 37 and he’s 42.

I couldn’t believe how brazen he was after I spotted his disgusting messages. He was sitting with a mate and I was with his pal’s wife.

I tapped him on the shoulder and said: “What do you think you’re doing?” He said: “Nothing. It’s just a friend.”

He was then stupid enough to change her name in his phone. He’d had a few drinks, as usual.

We don’t have the best of relationships because of his drinking but we’ve been together for almost ten years. 

That night we had a huge row. He insisted this person was a friend but I told him to block her so she would know I’d found out.

I know his password on Facebook and she’d messaged him, saying: ‘Text me when she’s out. I love you.”

He’s still gaslighting me, claiming I’m crazy and imagining things. But I know what I saw.

It’s such a shame, as we have a seven-year-old daughter.

He moved into my house and it’s in my name but he pays the mortgage and the bills while I bring up our girl.

I can’t manage without him financially.

I can’t shake off this feeling of overwhelming sadness. He’s so cold towards me.

It’s just like my father, who was only loving with a drink inside him.

My mother grew to hate him sober as he could be so nasty. When drunk, he was all over her. His drinking led him to an early grave.

It’s like history is repeating itself and I feel trapped. The only way I can survive all of this is to keep to myself.

I try to stay out of everyone’s way and get on with being the best mum I can be.

DEIDRE SAYS: It does not have to be like this. You have the right to happiness and if it is your home, there will be a way of sorting this out.

What you really need to decide, though, is whether you want to give up this relationship without a fight or if you would prefer to get things back on track.

In a quiet moment, when he is sober, explain how unhappy you are and tell him you need to understand what has gone wrong.

Find a relationship counsellor through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300).

My support pack on Cheating should help you, too.

If you want more information about your rights to the home, you will find free help at citizensadvice.org.uk.