I’m dating an amazing woman after my wife died – but she’s married
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my wife died, I never thought I’d find love again.
But I am now dating an amazing woman. The trouble is, she’s already married.
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I’m 46 and my kids are seven and nine. My wife, who I adored, died six years ago.
She was funny, beautiful and very kind.
It left a huge gap in all our lives and it hasn’t been easy bringing the kids up on my own.
Often I wonder how much better their lives might be if they still had their mum.
I used to think everyone has one soulmate for life and I’d never be able to love again. But then I did.
I met this new woman at our local library. She runs a book club for children.
My kids love hearing her read the next chapter of that month’s book and people often hang around after it to have a natter over a cup of tea.
One week I chatted to her. Oddly enough we bonded over the fact both her brother and my wife died from heart attacks.
We became friends and would go for coffee together. We would talk for hours on end. It felt so good to open up to someone.
She’d confide in me too, saying she felt more like a carer than a wife to her husband. He suffers badly from depression.
That’s why I didn’t feel like a homewrecker when she became my girlfriend last year — their relationship was over long before I came along.
The kids think the world of this woman. She often comes round and we enjoy days out together. But it’s been ten months now and she still hasn’t left her husband despite her promises.
She keeps asking me to wait a bit longer, otherwise she’s worried it’ll tip him over the edge.
He’s tried to take his own life before. Now I’m wondering if she will ever leave him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I understand your frustration but this situation has to be handled with sensitivity.
Your girlfriend knows her husband better than you do. He might not regard the relationship as over.
If you were to pressure her to leave him, think what could go wrong.
If he were to take his own life, she might even blame you.
Given his mental health issues, it’s unsurprising she wants to tread carefully. I’m attaching my support pack, Help For Your Depression, which will point her towards organisations that can help her husband.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, will help you consider whether you can cope with the possibility it could be a long time, if ever, for her to leave her husband.
Suggest your girlfriend sees a counsellor to help her work through her choices. I’m sending you my support pack on Counselling, which explains more.