Airline bigwigs being paid vast salaries are absent when s**t hits the propeller
WELL, well, well. It seems there is an upside to having a grumpy teenager who’s in the middle of A-levels.
It means we’re not queuing at an airport for 700squillion hours, only to be told at the last minute that our flight has been cancelled.
That’s the reality faced by thousands of travellers who, after two years of Covid-imposed staycationing, finally dared to hope they might venture abroad and enjoy a half-term holiday in a country where you don’t get rained on every five minutes.
But our survey says: Uh-oh. It seems this sudden surge in bookings in search of sea, sand and, most importantly, sun has rather taken the airlines and airports by surprise.
Consequently, staff shortages, IT failures and, that catch-all, “operational difficulties” have resulted in utter chaos for all too many holidaymakers.
Stuck in Cyprus’s Paphos airport after Tui had cancelled two flights, the Powell family from Bristol shared an image of their six-year-old daughter Freya weeping with sheer exhaustion.
But, small mercies, at least they got to have their holiday. Others have had theirs cancelled from the outset.
So what’s gone wrong?
Firstly, critics say airlines offloaded too many staff during the pandemic when they should have used furlough to keep them on.
And now, they’ve been caught short when it comes to recruiting enough replacements to cope with the wholly predicted surge of people wanting to get away.
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Secondly, a long-term lack of investment in IT systems results in regular “software failures” that have a knock-on effect.
So, for example, when passengers can’t check in online, they have to do it via the already beleaguered staff at the airport, who also have to cope with their anger when they find the flight is overbooked and they’re not on it because they, er, didn’t check in online.
Thirdly, there isn’t just one cook for serving up the recipe for a hassle-free airport experience.
Since the British Airport Authority (BAA) was privatised in 1986, every major UK airport is now privately owned. London City Airport, for example, is owned by a Canadian consortium.
Then there’s the individual airlines — Gatwick alone has around 45 airlines coming in and out — and a whole load of acronyms you’ll have to look up because I don’t have the space to list them in full.
Software failures
The CAA that licenses an airport — i.e. is it safe? — for public use, the ACL in charge of slots, the ANS for traffic control, Border Force for managing passport control and any deportation issues, the DfT for transport, HMRC for customs, NATS for air-traffic services, and yada-yada-yada.
And then there’s all the different unions that represent them.
All things considered, it’s a minor miracle that airports ever run smoothly.
But when, as we’re seeing now, it goes wrong, we should resist the urge to take it out on the poor old ground staff, who have nothing to do with the failings, and instead direct our anger and frustration towards the bigwigs being paid vast salaries to supposedly be in charge — those who are usually conspicuous by their absence when the s*** hits the propeller.
And I can perhaps help with that aim . . .
I’M working on a forthcoming programme for Channel 4 about air travel and we are looking to speak to anyone flying out from a UK airport between now and the end of July.
If you are interested in taking part, then please contact carlo.lavarini@qsmediat.tv.
‘Avoid heartache’
LILY ALLEN has reportedly axed an album of songs on which each track was going to be the name of her alleged abusers.
Sources say the idea was dropped because she wants to “avoid heartache”.
And, one imagines, avoid potential lawsuits too.
Harry days, Wills?
RUMOUR has it that William and Harry have been speaking once a week on a video call, in an attempt to leave any recent troubles behind them.
That’s nice. But after that ill-advised Oprah interview where the Sussexes dissed life at the Palace, one wonders if they will ever get back to the days when they embraced each other as warmly as William greeted his cousin Zara’s husband Mike Tindall at the weekend.
Hard working Royals
THE Sun’s reader survey shows that 73.7 per cent of you think the Queen is the hardest-working member of the Royal Family.
In terms of length of service and her advancing years, I won’t argue with that.
In second place was Charles, third William, fourth Kate, fifth Harry and in sixth, Meghan.
OK, now I’m taking issue.
The hardest-working, in my opinion, is Princess Anne.
And what’s more, many of her tireless duties are quietly carried out without fanfare.
Which might explain why she didn’t get a mention.
PRINCESS EUGENIE and her family have reportedly moved out of Frogmore “Cottage” – a slight misnomer, as it has ten bedrooms – so the Sussexes can have it to themselves for their imminent visit to the UK.
Isn’t it big enough for them to have stayed put and have a wing each?
Curve bawls
AN artificial intelligence expert says we are a mere 50 years away from being able to have digital babies that exist only in the virtual reality of a 3D metaverse.
Nope, me neither.
She calls them the “Tamagotchi generation” after the trendy digital pet you had to nurture to keep alive.
Worrying.
Because back in the Nineties, I bought my daughter one for Christmas and it was dead by Boxing Day.
What a nerve
ONE of the women photographed lying next to a comatose Andy Carroll on his stag trip has reassured his fiancee Billi Mucklow that nothing happened.
“He was honestly in no state to do anything,” says 27-year-old Taylor Jane Wilkey.
How deeply reassuring for the mother of his children.
A CLASSIC piece of Ikea furniture from the Fifties has just sold for £15k at auction.
If anyone’s interested in a wonkily erected Billy bookcase from the Nineties, with my flesh on it, it’s a fiver for cash.
Shocking
GOTH rocker Alice Cooper and wife of 46 years Sheryl have been spotted shopping for bargains in the Manchester branch of budget homeware store Wilko.
Which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is shocking beyond belief.
A famous musician still enjoying the company of his only wife. Who’d have thought it?
‘Must have’
THIS is the new “must have” sofa that’s trending on social media.
Called the Togo, it has clocked up 760,000 views on TikTok, from fans raving about its squishy comfort.
Odd name, though. Once in it, I’m not sure I’d go anywhere.
Reality cheque for me
SUSIE DENT from Countdown’s Dictionary Corner says words such as “petrolhead” and “clutch” will die out because of the trend for electric cars.
Nonsense.
Cheque-books have all but disappeared, but that doesn’t stop me from still making a signature gesture in restaurants when asking for the bill.
Which, according to my daughters, is just one of my many “embarrassing mother” crimes.
Toys ‘r’ a fuss
ANIMAL rights activists have hit out at Lego for depicting scenes that fail to teach kids that “animal farming is a bloody, cruel business”.
A spokesperson for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) said “pastoral scenes” obscure the truth about chickens kept in cages, pigs in small pens and cows sent to the abattoir.
On a recent visit to Daylesford organic farm in the Cotswolds, the free-range chicken houses were so palatial that I contemplated booking one for two weeks in July.
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Meanwhile, the pigs looked as happy as themselves in s***.
OK, not all farms are that ethical. But can’t we allow youngsters to have a childhood largely unsullied by the harsher realities of life?