My cousin gave me a place to stay – then I slept with her boyfriend
DEAR DEIDRE: MY kind cousin generously offered me a place to stay. But when she told me “what’s mine is yours”, I’m sure she didn’t mean her boyfriend.
I’m 24, she’s 32 and her boyfriend’s 35.
For the last two years, I’ve been living with my boyfriend.
But in March, he suddenly decided our relationship wasn’t what he wanted any more, and broke up with me.
I needed to stay close by, as I’m a teaching assistant in a school, and my cousin offered her spare room.
She lives with her boyfriend, who she’s known since university.
He’s a lovely guy and has been so helpful over the last few months, helping me move the last pieces of furniture out of my flat.
But last month, when my cousin was away for the weekend at a hen do, things got out of hand.
Neither of us had any plans, so we decided to get a takeaway and watch a film.
We settled on a stupid romcom, which brought me to tears. I am really soppy and always sob during these films.
He found it hilarious and pulled me in for a hug. After a few minutes, I calmed down, but neither of us pulled away.
I don’t know who kissed who first, but I think it was mutual.
We both pulled away at points, knowing what we were doing was wrong. But it was like there was this magnetic pull between us.
We ended up having sex, there on the sofa.
It was incredible. I’d only been with one, pretty inexperienced guy, so it was exciting to be with someone who knew exactly what to do to make me feel good.
It hasn’t happened again since — both of us agreed that it couldn’t — and he’s kept his distance since.
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But I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I’ve developed feelings for him.
Do I tell him? Do I see if he feels the same?
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DEIDRE SAYS: If he’s keeping his distance, and hasn’t made any advances since it suggests your cousin’s boyfriend knows this was a mistake.
Plus, you have to ask yourself – did you really like him, or the feeling of being wanted by another man?
Start looking for somewhere else to live to help put some distance between you. This will help you move on.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Your cousin has been really kind putting you up – stealing her boyfriend would be a real slap in the face and would cause problems within your family.
My support packs Moving On and Widening Your Social Circle will also help.