Megan Barton-Hanson makes £800k a month from Only Fans – if that’s a career who’s going to do the real jobs?
AGED seven, I wanted to be a tennis player when I grew up.
Alas, therein lay the problem. I never did grow (up). So, aged 13, and still 5ft 2 3/4in, I vowed to become a journalist instead. (As opposed to the stumpiest player in tennis history).
Had I been born 30 years later, my career ambitions would be a lot more straightforward: I’d dream of becoming an influencer.
Social media “stars” now earn more than lawyers, doctors and accountants, new research has shown.
British instagrammers are trousering an eye-watering £117.48 an hour — or £137,000 a year.
As one bloke, Robin, wryly commented on Twitter: “I feel like an absolute idiot for being a bricklayer.”
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Don’t worry, Robin, we’re all idiots.
By pandering to these narcissists we are making a mockery of hard work, industry and ambition. Not to mention talent and brain power.
What sort of incentive is there for children to master the quadratic equation if they know, in six years’ time, they can be poolside in Dubai plugging a can of Hard Seltzer instead? (I’d have sacked off pi too given a choice between that and flogging raspberry ketones).
Why would any youngster fork out nine grand a term at uni when he or she could be earning that in a month tagging teeth-whitening strips?
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And how can a teacher hope to hold the classroom’s attention when their young charges are dreaming of Range Rover leases, a deal with PrettyLittleThing and a stint on Love Island?
Speaking of which.
Former contestant Megan Barton-Hanson — a woman arguably best known for shagging her ex-boyfriend, Wes Nelson, in the disabled toilets of Southend Airport — earns up to £800,000 a MONTH from her Only Fans account.
Fellow Love Islander Molly-Mae Hague, at 23 barely out of long socks and nappies, is worth £6million.
She has 6.4million Instagram followers, and recently got into a spot of bother for saying “everyone has the same 24 hours in a day”, when speaking about her success. That’s right, Molly. They do.
Me-me-me youngsters
But the majority of these people are flogging themselves in menial jobs, or serving their community, or earning minimum wage doing something they never, ever dreamed of doing when they were seven years old.
Today’s pampered, indulged, me-me-me youngsters are growing up with devices strapped to their palms like a third appendage.
While broadcasters and actors learnt their trade at university or drama school, Generation Alpha are camera-ready aged ten.
They know their angles and can deliver seamless pieces to camera in one take.
But by living life through a lens, they’re missing out.
The career span of an influencer is, by its very nature, short.
If we let influencing become a viable career path, we’re also setting ourselves up for a very large, very painful fall.
Who will replace our hips when they go? Who will stack our supermarket shelves? Who will deliver our Meals On Wheels?
After all, these are the kids who, one day, will be shoving us in our nursing homes — filming every dribble, “Reel’ing” every fall and hashtagging every whiskery chin and drooping jowl.
They won’t even have the decency to filter the whiskers.
#makeitstop.
I’ve done your CV, Andy – no sweat
PRINCE Andrew apparently reckons he’s ready to serve again.
Serve exactly who remains a mystery given he’s universally less popular than a particularly pesky spell of Monkeypox.
So here’s a handy cut out ’n’ keep CV for under-siege Andy . . .
It was worth weight
POOR Brendan Fraser.
The Hollywood actor – already fat-shamed for previously piling on a few pounds – has been cast in a new movie about a morbidly obese man. Sensitively, it’s called The Whale.
But every cloud.
The Darren Aronofsky-directed opus received a six-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival over the weekend, and Brendan – who wore a fat suit but also had to put on a considerable amount of weight – is now tipped for an Oscar.
Harry takes it easy
ECO-warrior Prince Harry reckons 99 per cent of his air travel is by commercial plane.
Which begs the question: Just how often DOES he fly, given he never seems to be off a private jet?
The impassioned green campaigner, a man who flew by private plane to a polo match 1,000 miles away from his Californian mansion last month, did, at least, reportedly have the good grace to board a bog-standard 747 for his latest trip to the UK.
But I’d eat my EasyJet napkin if it emerges Harry turned right upon boarding, squeezing into a cramped middle seat beside the toilets, and tucking into dry, reheated chicken casserole.
Didn’t think so, Harry.
Seen one of Dem?
LABOUR’S Lucy Powell has come under fire for proudly wearing a “Never kissed a Tory” T-shirt.
The MP for Manchester Central was at a Pride event, a march all about embracing acceptance and inclusivity.
I might get a little “Never Kissed a Lib Dem” number.
Not out of any antagonistic prejudice or dislike of the sweetly wishy-washy party – rather because I genuinely don’t think I’ve met one since circa 2003.
CHIMP MATE
AH, so there is such a thing as a “spirit animal”. And it turns out I’m more chimpanzee than baboon.
A Covid-times study of primates at Leicester- shire’s Twycross Zoo and Knowsley Safari, Merseyside, showed that chimps “comfort ate” during lockdown, whereas horny olive baboons, freed from the glare of visitors, “had more sex”. Yep, definitely more chimp.
Liz, win us back
SO we have a Great New Leader.
Pages and pages will be written on what exactly Liz Truss promises to do and how she will go about doing it.
But, really, it’s quite simple.
First and foremost, the Tory leader must restore public faith in politics*.
We’ve had months of nonsensical pledges, U-turns and mud slinging and none of us, really, believe a word anyone in Whitehall says any more.
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Liz must walk the walk as well as talking the talk.
People can’t live off hot air (although affordable hot air would be nice), and they certainly can’t feed their kids empty promises.
*Which, at this embryonic stage of her coronation, is looking . . . erm, ambitious – #thicklizzy was trending on Twitter within minutes of her victory. Ouch.