I grew my business to $300,000 in revenue while grieving my husband's death. I found that grief and happiness can coexist.
Courtesy of Bevin Farrand
- My husband died unexpectedly the day after Thanksgiving in 2019.
- I was left to parent and provide for our two young kids alone.
- My business gave me a sense of purpose while I navigated my grief.
People have had a hard time understanding how I've found any shred of happiness after losing the love of my life.
How do I move forward? How do I smile? How do I work?
They forget that we are complex human beings who can hold more than one emotion at a time. We can be devastated that we had a miscarriage and excited that a friend is pregnant. We can be happy about our sister's wedding and shattered by our divorce.
I can face grief daily and still be happy that my daughter took her first steps. I can be so committed to my business that even in grief I still share my message.
It's not about compartmentalizing your feelings and allowing yourself to have them only at certain times. It's about understanding how to integrate and allow your feelings to be.
Navigating the suck
Sometimes, no matter what I do, an uncomfortable emotion sticks with me. I don't believe in stuffing your emotions down and struggling in silence; that only leads to meltdowns and more unresolved trauma to sort through later. I didn't want to do that to myself.
But I had to face reality. I had two little kids to provide for, and if I wanted to keep the house I'd built with the love of my life — seeing his work and feeling his presence — I had to find a way to move forward.
If you've ever felt deep grief, you know the quicksand undertow can come out of nowhere and take you down for the day. When you lose a partner you're head over heels in love with, people expect you to struggle for the next few years.
But if I wanted to be effective in my young business and keep it growing, I had to find moments of happiness while giving myself permission to grieve. That meant I needed to accept that it was OK to feel the whole range of emotions.
Wallowing in grief didn't prove I loved my husband more; it took me away from providing for our children. But having a stiff upper lip and pretending I was OK wasn't going to work for me either.
Finding my happy place
My business gave me a sense of purpose — and in helping people, I derived a sense of joy. I was able to get out of my head and emotions and get into my body. Being present in that way allowed me to work and grow my business.
This was huge because we went from a two-income household to a one-income household, and the one income left — by the nature of entrepreneurship — wasn't consistent or promised. I didn't have a guaranteed paycheck. I had to make the money to support my children.
Luckily, I loved my business, and because I found my moments of happiness with my clients as well as my children, I was still able to grow my business revenue to more than $300,000 within 18 months of opening, even while grieving the loss of my husband.
It was weird for a while — I've been experiencing my greatest success to date while experiencing irreparable heartbreak. But the fortitude and resilience that I've developed, coupled with a willingness to be authentically happy even when I'm sad, has made me a better mother. It's made me the mother I want to be.