Why is my husband trying to sleep with his average-looking assistant?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s been trying to seduce his personal assistant and I really don’t understand why, as I’m way more attractive than she is.

I’m 45, and my husband is 52. We’ve been married for 13 years and have two sons, aged nine and five.

To be fair to him, things have got a bit stale lately.

It all started when his friend was charged with fraud in November last year.

I’d never trusted this particular friend — something just always seemed off. So when the news came out about his dodgy dealings, I wasn’t at all surprised.

But my foolish husband decided to stand by him, even agreeing to claim he was of good character in court.

We had a massive falling out. I thought it was stupid of him to get involved.

Even though we haven’t discussed the topic for ages, I can still feel the resentment between us.

As a result, we haven’t been intimate in months.

Last week, we were both working from home. At lunchtime, my husband decided to go for a run.

While he was out, I heard his computer pinging. Someone clearly wanted to get hold of him.

On the screen was his private chat with his PA.

Most was work stuff, but the last message that caught my eye. It read: “And please stop texting me. I’ve told you the answer is no.”

So, when he jumped in the shower after his run, I looked through his phone.

I found their texts, where he’d repeatedly asked her out.

I’ve met this woman, and I really don’t get why he’s interested. She’s average-looking, with mousy brown hair and a pot belly.

Maybe he just wants a good story to tell his mates down the pub — that he slept with his assistant on his desk behind his doting wife’s back.

DEIDRE SAYS: Whether you think his assistant is good-looking or not is far from the main issue here.

Your husband is considering cheating, which could spell the end of your relationship.

You have to decide if this marriage is what you really want and, if so, start putting the work in.

It’s normal for couples to have a difference of opinion, but try not to let this come between you.

Your husband chose to stand by his friend and you didn’t agree with his choices but that shouldn’t mean you need to hold it against each other.

I’m sending you my support pack Looking After Your Relationship to help.

As a starting point, sit down and work out what differences you would both like to see in your relationship.

You would benefit from couples counselling. Approach tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).