Harriette Cole: He told me to keep his secret, but people are starting to guess. Should I tell?

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is recovering from a stroke. He is a very private person and didn’t want us to tell anyone what was going on with him.

I have kept my word, but some people have figured it out based on things he has posted on social media.

The symptoms of stroke are no secret. When people confront me directly about his condition, I’m not sure what to say. If they ask me point blank if he had a stroke, I sort of stammer but am speechless.

I don’t want to betray his confidence, but it puts me in an awkward position. How can I protect my friend and be in conversation with other people?

— Confidential

DEAR CONFIDENTIAL: You do not have to corroborate other people’s beliefs about your friend’s condition.

Regardless of what they say to you, you can respond by saying that it is not your place to discuss his medical condition. You can add that he is a private person who prefers to keep his business to himself.

Thank the person for asking. Tell them that you will relay their best wishes to him, and leave it at that. You do not owe anyone an explanation of your friend’s medical diagnosis.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend at work has an old dog, and she is extremely attached to it.

She has taken off work several days in order to deal with health care for the dog. This is hard for me to understand as I am not a dog person in any way.

I care for my friend and want to be there for her, but I find it somewhat exhausting having to listen to all of the details of her dog’s slow demise. The stories are just too much. Then I end up carrying around the burden of what she’s going through.

I want to support my friend, but I need to draw the line somewhere.

It got me wondering if I might feel the same way if a co-worker gave me the blow-by-blow of a parent’s declining health. What can I say to her without hurting her feelings?

— Too Much Information

DEAR TOO MUCH INFORMATION: Let your friend know how sorry you are that her dog is in distress. Stop asking her how the dog is doing, if that is part of your daily practice. Instead, ask her once a week, say on Monday morning, and allow about five minutes for her to share. After that time, excuse yourself from the conversation.

If your friend constantly comes to you with updates or talks on and on about her dog, create boundaries around your engagement. Tell her you have only a couple of minutes to talk before she starts. Interrupt to let her know you have to get back to work.

Begin to regulate the amount of time you spend talking to her so that you can take care of yourself. When you are with your friend, listen carefully and be fully attentive. Let her know that you care by the way you are engaged. A fully engaged conversation is richer than several momentary, distracted chats throughout the day.

If your friend gets frustrated that you cannot talk whenever she wants, point out what you can offer to her. Be clear, firm and loving. Hopefully this will help both of you through this difficult time.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.