I wouldn’t change Eddie cheating – it was worth it to meet my new man, says Denise Van Outen
IMAGINE discovering the man you were engaged to had sent dozens of X-rated messages to other women.
After seven years together and with her wedding plans to Eddie Boxshall well underway, that is exactly what happened to Denise Van Outen.
While that could put many women off dating for good, 48-year-old Denise took some time out, healed her broken heart with the help of a therapist and put herself back out there.
And it paid off. Not only has Denise fallen in love, but her new man already has her friends’ seal of approval.
She has even come to the conclusion it was worth going through all the heartache with commodities trader Eddie, 49, to get to where she is now.
“Obviously those things weren’t nice to go through, but where I’m at now with Jimmy [Barba], who has such a good energy, everything was worth it.
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“Honestly, I feel like I’m in a nice, happy, good place. I wouldn’t change anything.
“And there were so many positives that came out of it,” she adds.
“I reconnected with a lot of close friends.
“They reached out to me, which is lovely. You get caught up in life when you’re in a relationship and especially when you’re blending families [Eddie has Jordan, 25, and Leah, 23, from a previous relationship, while Denise has 12-year-old Betsy with ex-husband Lee Mead] and you’ve got the kids to consider. So you don’t always make time for your friends.
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“Everything that happened took all my friendships to another level.
“Fearne Cotton was constantly checking in with me. She’s such a good soul. I was a bit like: ‘I’ll deal with it on my own,’ because I don’t want to be a burden, but then it got to a point where I thought: ‘No, actually I do need to be a bit vulnerable.’
“I’ve got myself into therapy, too, which was really good. It’s made me realise I’m very much a people-pleaser. I don’t like confrontation or arguments, but that makes me vulnerable as a person. So now I’m learning to have boundaries.”
And it was reconnecting with friends that brought love back into Denise’s life, after she was introduced to backing-dancer-turned-property-developer Jimmy, 55.
She explains: “I got back in touch with friends from Sylvia Young [theatre school], including the All Saints girls. They are the reason I met Jimmy.
“I didn’t want to rush anything – I was just trying to really take my time to be in a good place.
“Then I thought: ‘I’ll dip my toe in.’ I’ve never done dating apps. I didn’t even know where to start, because I’m such an old-fashioned girl.
“My friends convinced me to go on [celeb dating app] Raya, because they said: ‘You need someone who will understand what your job is and what comes with it.’
“So I did the application, but the day I got approval, Shaznay [Lewis, from All Saints] messaged me and said: ‘I’ve got someone I want you to meet!’”
Denise and Jimmy hit it off and went public in June at the 12th annual Grand Prix Ball in London, after keeping their relationship secret for several months.
Denise explains: “We were taking our time and we never went out because we didn’t want to get spotted. I wanted to wait until the relationship was solid.
“We would spend hours and hours just sitting talking in the kitchen. We’ve really taken the time to get to know each other.”
Denise admits keeping their relationship under wraps led to some funny moments.
She says: “I’ve got a beach hut on the coast and Jimmy came for the day as something had come off the wall and he could fix it. One of my friends asked: ‘Ooh who’s that man?’
“I replied: ‘Oh, just a handyman.’ [She laughs.] Every time my friend went off anywhere, we were closing the door on the hut and snogging!”
After what happened with Eddie, Denise’s friends insisted that they would personally vet her next boyfriend – and thankfully they approve of Jimmy.
In fact, many of them already knew him from his days as a backing dancer for Take That, All Saints and Tom Jones.
“It’s so weird, because Jimmy danced with All Saints and he’s toured with Diana Ross and Take That, so he knows people I know.
“We were going back through all the years saying: ‘How have we never met?’ We must have been in the same room on so many occasions.”
You could say that it was destiny that the pair’s paths finally crossed when they were both looking for love, and Denise agrees that they were both at the right stage of their lives to be together.
“This is what Gary Barlow said to us,” she says.
“He messaged me and went: ‘I can’t believe you’re with Jimmy. How did you two end up together?’ But he was really excited. I said: ‘Gary, how have we never been introduced before?’ And he said: ‘It’s all about timing.’
“When you’re my age, you know what you want. There’s no game-playing and we’ve both been very honest. He’s got a young daughter – she’s only three. Betsy loves his little girl.
“I’ve spoken to Betsy about it all. She loves him, but we are doing things slowly. I’m not gonna thrust him into a family.
The break-up was reported in January, but it was before then. I was just trying to process it all. We don’t speak. If something big like that happens, you cut ties.
Denise Van Outen
“We’re not living together, but we spend time together. My house feels like a home again.”
While Denise might have the support of those closest to her, there were some who worried that Jimmy – who appeared on the Italian version of Big Brother in 2010 – was using her for fame, but she shakes her head at the suggestion.
“That was 10 years ago. He’s left the industry. He’s not bothered by it – he’s got his own thing going on. He’s in property now and when he goes on site I find it really sexy. I can’t resist a man in a hi-vis jacket.
“He’s obviously fluent in Italian, so that’s quite sexy, too. And he’s such a good dancer!
“When I did Strictly, everyone kept saying: ‘Will you keep dancing?’ But who was I gonna do it with? Now we dance around the kitchen and we’re thinking of starting salsa lessons.”
Denise lets out one of her famous cackles.
It’s great to see her smiling, because despite her new-found happiness, there’s no doubt the break-up with Eddie hit her hard.
The pair had been planning to tie the knot later this year – instead Denise ended up throwing him out of their Essex home when she discovered he had been swapping raunchy messages and calls with women he met online – even hooking up with one for secret dates.
After rumours began circulating about his behaviour, she confronted him and was devastated when he admitted they were true.
“It knocked the wind out of me,” she says.
“It was really horrible, but none of us are immune to it. Betsy’s been amazing.
“It was harder for me as a mum, because you feel a responsibility to your child. I never let her down, but the situation felt like a let-down for her.
“The break-up was reported in January, but it was before then. I was just trying to process it all. We don’t speak.
“If something big like that happens, you cut ties. It’s coming up to a year since it all happened, and I can’t believe everything turned around in 12 months.”
She’s ruled out bringing Jimmy on Celebrity Googlebox with her.
She previously appeared alongside Eddie and after their break-up, fans worried she would leave the show. Instead she is taking to the sofa with Blue star and close friend Duncan James.
However, she has not, despite speculation, been lured into the jungle for this year’s series of I’m A Celebrity! – and in fact has ruled out the possibility of appearing until Betsy is older.
“Although I’m in a relationship with Jimmy and we spend a lot of time together, I’m still a single parent.
“Lee helps, but I’m washing and ironing uniforms, getting lunch ready and doing homework with Betsy. I’m straight into that and I can’t leave her at home,” she says.
Instead Denise will be cheering on her pal Mike Tindall on the show. The pair have become close from playing golf together.
She says: “Zara [Tindall] comes all the time, too. Honestly, she’s so down-to-earth and lovely. There’s a little group of us girls that hang out together, and she’s just one of the girls.
“You don’t think about her in that way [as being a royal], because she just mucks in with all of us. They’re such a good couple and they’re really fun.”
Denise beams as she admits Betsy has told her that her pals think she’s “really cool”, but admits that her ’90s lads’ mag past does leave her daughter feeling bemused.
“She just laughs and goes: ‘Why are you in your underwear?’ But it was very much of that time,” explains Denise.
“Then, it was empowering, whereas now it’s different and we’ve gone the other way. I never, ever saw it as anything but fun. Even when I used to go out clubbing, I used to make my own outfits and they were quite risqué.
“If Betsy went out like that now, I’d be like: ‘Get back in here!’”
Thankfully, Denise doesn’t have to worry about Betsy going out scantily clad just yet.
She adds: “I’m lucky she’s still quite young in a lot of ways. It’s not like she’s 12-going-on-16. And we talk about everything – I even ask her advice about things to do with me now because I feel like she’s so sensible.”
It sounds like between Jimmy and Betsy, Denise has finally got people to keep her right.
Denise on parenting
What’s your funniest parenting memory?
I was going to meet friends and I was wearing a long white Ghost dress. Just as I was leaving the house, Betsy vomited all over me.
It was in my hair, everywhere, and I had to get changed. I always think back to that and laugh – I remind her of it if she gives me any issues at home!
What’s been your biggest win?
We’re really good friends. Some people say you shouldn’t be too friendly with your kids because they should respect you, but I disagree with that.
Any top tips?
Just be patient and let them find their own way.
Is there anything you wish you’d known before having kids?
That I would be forever feeling guilty – if I’m at home too much, but then if I’m away working, too.
Who’s your parenting inspo?
My mum and dad. They’re in their late 70s and have been together since my mum was 19. They’re just a solid couple.
