Lady Gaga’s ‘Hold My Hand’ Can’t Hold Up to Her Other Oscar-Nominated Songs
Before we begin, I’d like to get a couple of things out of the way up top. That sentence would be scary if you were meeting with your therapist or your boss, but we are all equals here. I’d like to think I can trust you.
The first thing I must disclose is that I really do not care about the Best Original Song category at the Oscars. I find that most years, it bleeds too much into Grammy territory. Why should I really care about an original song unless the song itself is diegetic? For those who didn’t go to film criticism school (like my annoying ass did), “diegetic” refers to any sound or song in a movie that the characters are actually able to hear within the world of the film. For example, “City of Stars” from La La Land is diegetic; so are the gurgling noises of the titular bridesmaids shitting themselves in Bridesmaids.
A non-diegetic sound would be a film’s original score (something I care deeply about) or the soaring, theatrical theme song that plays over an opening or closing credits sequence (which I haven’t paid much mind to since Madonna recorded the most banging Bond theme there ever was). Too often, I find that these theme songs are corny are far too obvious. They exist to drive home a movie’s themes in one succinct package, using every possible tactic to prey on the viewer’s emotions to leave the floors of a theater stained in tears. And who do you think is going to have to mop that up, huh? Coincidentally, also Madonna.