My partner is dying in a hospice and I’m furious his daughter’s abandoned him
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner is dying in a hospice and I’m furious his daughter’s abandoned him.
Even though he’s terminally ill, she hasn’t called or visited him once.
I’m 64 and my partner is 65. His daughter is 32.
They’ve had a difficult relationship since he left her mum. I understand, but that’s not a reason to treat her dad so cruelly on his deathbed.
She knows he has cancer. When it became terminal I texted her to let her know the details.
She replied, “Thanks, give him my best”, like he was a stranger.
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I expected her to set aside her grievances and try to mend bridges for both my partner’s sake and her own.
He is pretending he’s not hurt by her behaviour, but I can tell it really upsets him.
I’ve told him that after he passes I want nothing more to do with her, and he understands my decision.
But I am eaten up with anger on his behalf.
All I want is for him to have his loved ones with him when he dies, so it’s a peaceful end.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Knowing you’re soon to lose your partner is deeply upsetting and stressful – it’s known as anticipatory grief – and dealing with family tensions will make this period even more challenging.
While your partner’s daughter’s behaviour does sound cruel, you need to accept her decision.
In the end, she’ll have to live with it.
Rather than expending energy on anger, try to focus on making the time you have left with your partner as precious as possible for you both.
Get support from your own family and friends, and think about counselling. Contact cruse.org.uk for bereavement support.