I retired at 61 thinking I’d love a life of leisure but I’m already back at work and it’s saved my marriage & sex life
ONE in ten retirees is returning to work due to boredom and the cost-of-living crisis.
Today, Elizabeth Reid, 68, from Braintree in Essex, tells how giving up work made her marriage suffer. . . and why coming out of retirement got her relationship back on track.
After a day by myself, I looked forward to my husband Pete getting home from work.
But as a hard-working and exhausted heating engineer he was good for nothing except a meal, bath and a night of TV.
It was the same most evenings.
I held back from expressing irritation – it wasn’t his fault I was bored and unfulfilled at home, having retired seven years earlier.
When I decided to give up work at 61, I’d imagined spending my days relaxing, enjoying having time to do exactly what I wanted around the house, in the garden, and with like-minded friends.
However, the reality — spending many hours stuck within four walls — was very different.
It had a knock-on effect on my self-esteem, confidence and even my marriage.
Everything feels boring when you’re bored, and I believed Pete, 58, and I were stuck in a rut.
While he felt happy and appreciated at work I was lost without the buzz of an office.
I’m not proud of it but I resented Pete being at work.
I felt irritated when he was too tired to be entertaining company at home or dropped his clothes on our bedroom floor.
I gritted my teeth, wrongly believing he thought I had nothing better to do than clear up after him.
Rather than be honest with Pete about my niggles and cause a row, I seethed silently.
With only a small pension as a safety net, he was happy to support us financially, insisting what was his was also mine.
But I hated asking for cash for unexpected expenses like buying a gift for a friend’s birthday.
And when the cost-of-living crisis hit, I worried about how we would cope on one wage.
I made several mistakes in my decision to retire — mainly not realising how much of my identity was caught up with work.
I’d been employed since I left school at 18 and went to secretarial college, working in executive assistant jobs in finance, which I loved.
Even when I had my children, Michelle, 41, and Adam, 38, I’d barely taken maternity leave and my ex-husband had become a stay-at-home dad.
I liked the validation work gave me.
Interacting with people energised me, as did having my own money and independence.
Although I adored my children I often felt taken for granted at home.
But at work I felt appreciated.
When I split up with my ex 27 years ago I managed to juggle work and being a single mum effortlessly.
It’s extraordinary that not having anything to do was far more difficult.
When I met Pete in 2012 at our local golf club it was wonderful.
Although he was younger than me, it didn’t matter.
A year after we met I was made redundant.
I was 58 and didn’t feel any urge to retire so I worked freelance as an executive assistant.
But in 2016 a close family member died unexpectedly.
It made me re-evaluate everything — I felt I’d spent too much time at work and missed out on family life.
I was living with Pete and we decided I’d retire and relax.
Initially it was great.
During that time, Pete proposed and I spent months planning our wedding.
We wed in April 2017 and I’d help with my grandchildren — Michelle has seven-year-old twins and Adam has three boys aged nine, seven and 18 months — or potter in the garden.
The change of pace felt restorative but gradually, the rot set in.
Fun plans
With very little to do I went from a size 10-12 to 14-16. I ate through boredom.
I only put on a couple of stone, but I didn’t feel like “me”.
I barely wore make-up as I wasn’t going to see anyone and loafed around in tracksuits.
It felt like my identity was that of an overweight granny.
Our sex life suffered too because feeling that way squashed my libido.
I also hated having insufficient money and felt I was forever asking Pete for a top-up.
I don’t blame Pete for the deterioration I felt was happening in our relationship.
Me feeling diminished by not working and my reluctance to talk about it drove a wedge between us.
As food became more expensive I tried to economise with household outgoings, changing from Tesco to Aldi, being careful with our appliances and the amount I used the car.
But I was worried about how we’d cope with escalating costs.
We’d bought a bungalow to renovate and all our savings had gone on that.
A chat with my daughter Michelle last year made me realise I had to get back to work.
She needed someone to do marketing for her business (https://mandecoach ing.mykajabi.com/Links) which helps women find the confidence to return to work after a break whether it’s maternity leave, because of illness or retirement.
I know only too well how women need to be supported and encouraged to get back into the workplace – I lost my confidence and although going back to work was the right decision, it was still a big step.
I started back at work in January and my life is immeasurably better.
The weight has come off and I’ve got my sense of purpose back.
I put on make-up and nice clothes, even if I’m not going to a meeting as I’m back in “professional” mode.
And my marriage is great again because I feel like we’re equals.
I’d stopped communicating with Pete too.
I felt I had nothing to say.
Now, we schedule date nights and make sure we make fun plans for the weekend, visiting friends and family or going out for dinner.
And he’s been so supportive about my work. I love having my own money again.
Now I feel attractive and like me again which means our sex life is very much back on track.
I’ve learnt from my mistake and plan to retire with Pete when he reaches 65, if we can afford it.
PETE SAYS: “When I met Liz she was one of those people who was always on the go.
“When she retired I felt she became a shadow of her former self — as though the light had gone out from her.
“I missed the days when we were both busy and on the same page but I knew we’d get through it.
“I loved her as much as ever and her weight gain didn’t bother me.
“But I was concerned that she was unhappy and I felt under pressure to find things to cheer her up.
“As soon as she started back at work she was the Liz I first met.”