I’m a parenting expert – what age your kids are really ready to do chores & why I don’t agree with pocket money
MORE than 10,000 six-year-olds have their own debit card, claims online bank Revolut.
Eight per cent also have a mobile phone, says market research group Childwise.
But is this responsibility too much, too young, or a smart way to prepare your children for the responsibilities of adult life?
Parenting coach and mum-of-two Sue Atkins says giving kids the chance to do things for themselves is vital for their development, but only if you time it right.
She says: “It builds their self-esteem, their confidence and teaches them that the world isn’t a scary place, providing you keep your wits about you.
“It’s important to introduce independence incrementally and to base it on maturity rather than just age.
“But a lot of this is also about the parents letting go and not wrapping them up in cotton wool.
“Trust them and use it as an opportunity to talk and to teach.”
Here, Sue gives Alex Lloyd her guide to when you should give your kids independence . . .
Household chores
Age 2
A FAMILY is a team and including kids in caring for the home will stand them in good stead when they eventually fly the nest.
You should teach them to tidy away toys from age two, as well as showing them how to put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
By four to five, they can make their bed and help wash the car.
Around the age of seven, they can lay the table, put shopping away and even vacuum with supervision.
Once they reach ten, they should be given the chance to clean the bathroom and kitchen occasionally.
Turn tasks into a game if you need to but I’m not a fan of paying for housework, as kids need to learn that helping parents is the right thing to do.
Prepare breakfast
Age 5
AGED five, children can safely pour milk for a bowl of cereal.
By seven or eight they can make toast.
But supervise initially and explain hazards, like not putting a knife in the toaster.
This is very important!
Allowing them to fully prepare breakfast themselves might take a bit longer but you need to embrace that.
Parents are often in a rush in the morning and end up helping their little ones spread butter on toast and put on their shoes, but it disempowers kids.
Get pocket money
Age 6
CHILDREN don’t really understand the value of money until they are around six.
But once they are at school, you can give them a bit of cash each week and encourage them to save.
Prepaid debit cards can be given from this age but I recommend starting with piggy banks, and not plastic, to make the money feel real.
Once kids hit 11, banks will approve a debit card linked to a child account.
From 14, you can introduce an allowance to cover their lunches, bus fare and essentials such as socks.
But be clear that they need to manage their budget in return for this freedom, and keep an eye on it.
Pay a visit to the shops
Age 9-11
THERE once was a time when kids were sent to pick up cigarettes and a pint of milk from the corner shop for their parents, but society is more cautious now.
In Japan, children are allowed to go to school, on public transport and to the shops alone from age six.
The community looks out for them, rather than judging the parent.
It’s about assessing the risk and their maturity.
If they are going to the shops, ensure they understand how the checkout works and have enough money with them.
Don’t let the judgment of others stop you trusting your own parenting.
If they are not doing anything dangerous or reckless, you are not neglecting your duty of care.
Walk to school
Age 9-11
WHEN to let your child make their own way to school depends on their common sense, and the route.
But if possible I suggest trying before secondary school.
Planning is key and you need to prepare in advance.
Ask yourselves important safety questions.
How busy are the roads?
Are your kids going to get giddy if they are chatting to friends?
Will they put their headphones on?
Walk the route together ahead of time and point out potential hazards, as well as investing in a bright coat and a high-vis vest for your pre-teen.
Start letting them go solo when mornings and evenings are lighter.
Never force a nervous child to walk alone if they don’t want to.
Make a hot drink
Age 10
YOU can get your child helping with the tea-making duties from age seven but they should never be unattended, due to the risk of scalding from the kettle, mugs and teapots.
By ten, they should have the confidence to do it solo, providing you have taught them about the risks from steam and how long things stay hot for.
It’s about incrementally building up to it.
Once they are safely able, you can enjoy a cup of tea in bed – a win-win.
Get their own phone
Age 11-12
DELAY giving your child their own mobile phone until as late an age as you can – but never before secondary school unless there is good reason for this.
For younger children, a phone is essentially an electronic babysitter – but clearly carries with it potential risks.
As children get older, it does help you to keep in touch with them.
But you need to have effective strategies to monitor its use.
Children should not be using social media at this age and phones must be kept out of bedrooms.
Have a family culture where all screens go off an hour before you go to sleep and are left in a communal place – this means parents too.
Stay home alone
Age 12-13
THERE are no legal restrictions on the age you can leave a child home alone.
I say wait until they reach secondary school – even if, in the movie Home Alone, Macaulay Culkin’s character Kevin was eight when his parents went on holiday without him.
Talk to them about how long you are going to be out, what to do in an emergency and any rules to follow.
Start with nipping to the shops and work up to them letting themselves in after school.
Leaving them for an evening comes later.
Travel on a train
Age 13
MOST train companies have policies that mean children aged under 13 cannot travel without an adult.
Unaccompanied passengers younger than that are reported to the transport police, for their safety.
When you let them travel by rail, you have a duty to ensure they understand the safety requirements.
Teach them to listen out for announcements, about how to board the train safely and where to go for help.
Encourage them to travel with a buddy initially, but not a big group that might become silly and rowdy.
Get them to charge their phone beforehand and keep possessions in a bag, rather than show them off to potential pickpockets.
Babysitting a sibling
Age 14+
DELEGATING parental responsibility to a child is a lot to ask.
Once again, this decision really comes down to their levels of maturity and common sense.
But the age of the younger child is a key factor too.
I wouldn’t leave a three-year-old in the care of a 14-year-old because the younger one might end up drinking bleach while the teenager is on their computer.
But it’s a different story if the younger child is ten.
You also need to ensure that you are not relying on your child at a time when you really should be organising proper, formal childcare.