Dance on Tucker Carlson’s Fox Grave, but Fear His Zombie

It’s curtains for Tucker Carlson’s long running smash hit fascism extravaganza on Fox News. In the coming days, once all the crying and the screaming is done, we’ll surely hear rumors about the why’s and the how’s, but like a divorce between the two worst people you know, it actually doesn’t matter who broke up with who, or who is going to end up better off in the long run. What matters is that terrible people are unhappy today.

The news came as a shock to just about everybody. Media reporters noted that the end of the show seems to have come as a surprise to Carlson himself, as at the conclusion of his final show on Friday, he promised his audience he’d be back on Monday. His final segment was a promo for a Tucker Carlson original called Let Them Eat BUGS: Dinner is Served. He didn’t even say goodbye. We didn’t get to see him eat a single measly bug.

It’s a sad day for Tucker Carlson’s audience, old people whose adult children no longer speak to them and men who do not wash between their ass cheeks when they shower. Gobsmacked viewers vowed on social media that they were DONE WITH FOX. Whether they’re actually done with Fox remains to be seen, but in the meantime, Fox News’ share price tanked at the news. The big Tucker-shaped hole in the Fox lineup represents $700 million in lost market value, which has to hurt less than a week after Fox settled a $787 million lawsuit with Dominion Voting Systems.

Read more at The Daily Beast.