Marin Voice: Accepting our ‘culture of complaint’ doesn’t mean we can’t love life

My neighborhood park was recently remodeled. Some complainers on Nextdoor, the popular online hyperlocal social network, say it wasn’t done thoughtfully and is “out of character with the neighborhood.”

Friends complain that young people use their cell phones too much. “They’re forgetting how to communicate properly.”

I find myself complaining about the political fighting in Washington, D.C. “Why can’t they cooperate and get on with managing national issues?”

It seems there’s no end to things to complain about and no end to people willing to complain. Personally, I’m a little tired of all this complaining. That’s my complaint.

I thought about writing a book titled “Culture of Complaint,” as a companion to my other book idea, “Culture of Anxiety.” Complaining and being anxious may be exciting, fun or fill time, but is no way to live life. Also, it’s not much fun being around a complainer or someone who bites on our media’s endless stream of items to be anxious about by getting anxious.

Why do we complain so much? We are tribal animals, and all our tribes seem to echo the national media’s apparent assumption that if it’s not terrible, it’s not worth mentioning.

I’m not going to get into blaming portions of the media. That’s just playing another national sport, substituting attack and blame for listening and understanding. It’s human nature to be attracted to conflict. Professional sports rely on that, but some in the media have truly mined it for gold.

Do you remember some years ago when Fox News discovered that using the name of our previous president and his outrageous statements dramatically increased their viewers? It appears that other news outlets soon realized that if they didn’t follow, they would lose their audience. They joined in and his name became the “hot sales item.” And we each promoted it by listening and watching.

That isn’t looking for blame or fault. It’s just observing that it is our nature, yours and mine, and the nature of the money-making organizations that hover around us, noticing what attracts us and feeding us more – be it sugary or fatty foods, or the terrifying and endless stories about people’s inhumanity to people.

I’m not going to say we bring it on ourselves, because that would be following the blaming model or the attacking model or the accusing model. It’s just the way it is, and I love us for what we are.

I may not feel comfortable recognizing this, but when I see creepy things in the media about situations or individuals, nations, groups, tribes or political parties, I reflect that their words and actions are parts of me I actively use or that might be waiting in the wings ready to step on stage, whether desirable or not.

Another complaint I hear sometimes is the terrible world we are leaving for our grandchildren. Up the flagpole come the usual culprits: climate change, species depletion, corporate overreach, inequity and inequality, as well as accusations of tribalism, racism, genderisms and so on. But I have faith in people, particularly young people.

Looking back, I realize that my parents had faith in me, and it was justified. I have faith in my grandchildren, that they will manage successfully in a world vastly different from the one I grew up in. They will be delighted in that amazing experience called living. Like you and me, they will look back absolutely stunned at the random walk they took.

We’re leaving a better world for our children, and they will leave a better world for theirs, though, for sure, it will be along with some new, self-created problems. Each generation improves on the work of the previous, though perhaps many in each generation feel that they are leaving mostly problems for their grandchildren.

Grandchildren won’t experience their world that way. They’ll experience living as we each do, a thrilling and all too brief journey.

At this stage of my life, I easily tear up thinking about how precious and rare and beautiful this jewel of life has been. It still is.

Barry Phegan, of Greenbrae, is the author of the book “Conflict, Meetings, and Difficult People.”