A 27-year-old former 'Love Island' contestant explains how he stays friends with his ex while dating another woman
Courtesy of TLC
- On TLC's show "You, Me, & My Ex," De'Andre introduces his girlfriend of 1 year to his ex-girlfriend from college.
- Tensions arise because De'Andre's ex-girlfriend has a friendship with his mother, who lives in the same town.
- De'Andre told Insider that living in a different city and learning from his girlfriend, who is a divorced single mom, helps.
When Elodie met her boyfriend De'Andre's mother for the first time a few months ago, she also met his ex-girlfriend.
De'Andre, Elodie, and Rowan, the ex, are featured on the second season of TLC's reality television show "You, Me, & My Ex," where couples navigate their relationships when one partner is still close with a past partner. In the series, exes' levels of closeness vary, with some choosing to continue friendships with their exs and others having their ex move in.
Rowan, who is 27, lives in Atlanta while De'Andre and Elodie live in Miami. Despite the distance, Rowan said she texts De'Andre often with relationship advice and gets lunch with his mother, who lives in Atlanta too, she told Insider.
Elodie said she felt a bit jealous and shocked when, after two months of exclusively dating, De'Andre, who is 27, revealed his continued connection to his ex. But the 29-year-old said she was able to turn her confusion into understanding because of her experience as a single, divorced mother.
"What's the point of me controlling his life and saying, 'Hey, you can't talk to that person because I feel jealous or I'm intimidated.' I feel like that's wrong," Elodie told Insider.
She said that working through uncomfortable feelings and conversations has been rewarding, especially because it challenges the stereotype that younger couples can be immature.
De'Andre's ex-girlfriend became like family when he moved away
De'Andre, a former "Love Island" contestant and minor league baseball player, dated his ex-girlfriend Rowan while she was in college at the University of South Carolina in Columbia. De'Andre, whose family lived in Columbia, was home visiting during his off-season when he met Rowan out at a bar.
They dated for four years, but decided to break up once they moved to Atlanta and De'Andre had to frequently travel for his baseball games. The relationship ended on good terms, and he moved to Miami soon after, he told Insider.
According to Rowan, who says she moved to Atlanta for her career in 2018, being in different cities and having a year of no contact gave them the time and space to heal.
"In the moment of the breakup, I don't think either of us anticipated the friendship that we have now. I think you need that distance to grieve and then move on," Rowan told Insider.
In Atlanta, Rowan reconnected with De'Andre's mother, who had also moved there, post- breakup. She said she always felt close with De'Andre's mother and would ask her for relationship advice when they were still dating.
"I told her, 'I don't wanna lose a relationship with you,'" Rowan said, and De'Andre's mother was immediately in agreement.
De'Andre also started to text Rowan to check on his mother or help her with errands, as he had no other friends or family in the area, he said.
Focusing on trust to combat feelings of jealousy
When Elodie first learned about De'Andre's dynamic with Rowan, she worried about how it could impact their romance. But remembering that she trusts him helped her reframe her concerns about things like infidelity, she said.
"He knows what he's got at home. So if he wants to mess up, then that's his problem," Elodie told Insider.
She also reminded herself of her own friendship with her ex-husband, who she has a young child with, which helped combat insecurities she initially felt, she said.
A budding unexpected friendship between women who've dated the same man
For Elodie, meeting Rowan on the show helped her feel more comfortable. Now, they're getting closer and forming a friendship of their own. Although Elodie and De'Andre have been dating for eight months, it wasn't until the show that the women first met face-to-face.
"Now that we do know each other, it's more like, 'Hey girl, when can I see you? When can we hang out?' We don't really talk about me and De'Andre," Elodie said. She added that avoiding conversations about their pasts helps keep the dynamic healthy.
Rowan said she'll often give De'Andre relationship advice, both solicited and unsolicited, about how he supports Elodie and her young daughter, who he considers becoming a stepfather to on the show.
"Rowan has told me a number of times that this is a big role I would be stepping into. She's helped me understand that a lot," De'Andre told Insider.
Elodie appreciates when Rowan jumps in, she said, because it feels like Rowan is supporting her.
Before Elodie and Rowan met, De'Andre said he focused on constant and honest communication with Elodie, to make sure they understood each other's feelings. He said their conversations are always "blunt" because he never wants to hide the truth, even if it's not the nicest thing to say.
Ultimately, De'Andre said introducing his girlfriend to his ex has been a rewarding process, and one that he hopes can serve as an example for others.